tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5935679957749441222024-03-13T22:18:14.919-07:00All the Funny Ones ! Jokes, Cartoons and Funny Stories. The Funniest stories to Laugh on and pass on...
(Warning - may contain adult content)
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger704125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-62511822889502505802023-01-22T01:44:00.018-08:002023-01-31T19:48:39.439-08:00Rapta Ra Rugpy songs Hello Mr. Murphy and more <p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwYehv2aKANw4IC7IuNm_ff5Xysq_uYQdhvJI8SJptOKhapKnP8wh14qj_72mVcY0ma_GbhS0wyYVkCBv1ltsPSlzlFH5sLPTF7SYu8ZLF4BYEiHt-yUoqHkZf-ULu4Ltrq8Q9IZzJQl5qbtTWaP6kN8gNudwwECCtr3o6Bo-z8uDO9Qx63GrnXlaY/s225/Rugby%20songs%20filthy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwYehv2aKANw4IC7IuNm_ff5Xysq_uYQdhvJI8SJptOKhapKnP8wh14qj_72mVcY0ma_GbhS0wyYVkCBv1ltsPSlzlFH5sLPTF7SYu8ZLF4BYEiHt-yUoqHkZf-ULu4Ltrq8Q9IZzJQl5qbtTWaP6kN8gNudwwECCtr3o6Bo-z8uDO9Qx63GrnXlaY/w400-h400/Rugby%20songs%20filthy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rap-Ta-Ra-Ra-Ra<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hey ! Rap-Ta-Ra-Ra-Ra<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rap-Ta-Ra-Ra<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rap-Ta-Ra-Ra<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rap-Ta-Ra-Ra-Ra<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hello Mr. Murphy – God Bless your Heart and Soul<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I came to F*ck your Daughter, but I couldn’t find her Hole <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">King Kong went to <st1:place w:st="on">Hong Kong</st1:place><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To Play a Game of <st1:place w:st="on">Ping</st1:place> Pong<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The <st1:place w:st="on">Ping</st1:place> Pong Knocked his
Ding Dong<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And that was the end of King Kong<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was this Girl from <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">Kent</st1:country-region></st1:place><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To a Football match she went<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She went to the Goal <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And Opened her Hole<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And In the football went<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There once was a woman named Jill <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Who swallowed an exploding pill <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They found her vagina <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:state w:st="on">North Carolina</st1:state></st1:place>
<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And tits in a tree in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">Brazil</st1:country-region></st1:place><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There once was a man Robin Hood <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Who lived in a Knottingham wood <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He learned how to f*ck <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">from old Friar Tuck <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And f*cked <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Marion</st1:city></st1:place>
whenever he could<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a man from Madrass <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Whose balls were made out of brass <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On a Stormy Weather <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They Banged together<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And sparks flew out of his a$$<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There once was a man from <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Havana</st1:city></st1:place> <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Who screwed a girl on a piano <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At the height of their fever <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Her a$$ hit the lever <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And now he has no banana...<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a young maiden named Molly <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Who had a Daughter Named Polly <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Guy was Sing Chum <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And too soon he did cum <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And all he could say was "I'm solly!"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a man from K<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">ent</st1:city></st1:place><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Who had a penis so long it bent<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was so much trouble<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That he kept it double<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And instead of coming he went<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-9439662877886916242020-09-23T05:25:00.006-07:002020-09-23T05:25:56.913-07:00Naming Twins<div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dpdenipkEgg/X2s-Y-eqc2I/AAAAAAAAb5A/o7oC-wxCoFoybsMI1UDYZ8xcjK-9mDFegCLcBGAsYHQ/s493/names%2Bfor%2Btwins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="335" data-original-width="493" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dpdenipkEgg/X2s-Y-eqc2I/AAAAAAAAb5A/o7oC-wxCoFoybsMI1UDYZ8xcjK-9mDFegCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/names%2Bfor%2Btwins.jpg" width="320" /></b></span></a></div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b>A woman had twin babies and fell into a coma immediately after due to complecations.</b></span></div><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span></div><span style="color: #990000;"><b>
A couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor, “Where is my baby?!”</b></span><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br />
The doctor replies, “They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl.</b></span></div><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br />
Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother named them.”</b></span></div><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br />
The woman looked concerned, as her brother wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. “Oh no. What did he name them?”</b></span></div><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br />
“He named the girl Denise,” The doctor replies.</b></span></div><div><span style="color: #990000;"><b><br />
The woman, relieved, “Well, that’s not so bad. What about the boy?”<br />
“Denephew.”</b></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-69480658966585846232020-08-26T23:10:00.000-07:002020-08-26T23:10:17.853-07:00Swimming Tips for young Ladies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4TtzUa7bCvE/X0dN2P6w-ZI/AAAAAAAAb28/eoaPmz4N5TEWfuLwmUNpgWwQewIL1AykgCLcBGAsYHQ/s900/covering%2Bnudity%2Bin%2Bswimming%2Bpool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="900" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4TtzUa7bCvE/X0dN2P6w-ZI/AAAAAAAAb28/eoaPmz4N5TEWfuLwmUNpgWwQewIL1AykgCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/covering%2Bnudity%2Bin%2Bswimming%2Bpool.jpg" width="640" /></b></a></div><b><span style="color: #0000ee;"><br /></span></b><div><b><span style="color: #0000ee;"><br /></span></b></div><b><span style="color: #0000ee;">A young lady was swimming at a swimming pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit.<br />
<br />
To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her lady bits exposed.<br />
<br />
Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by the side and grabbed a nearby sign to cover up.<br />
<br />This somehow got her more attention, and she looked down at the sign.<br />
<br />
*"Depth 1.8metres"*<br />
<br />
Slightly embarrassed, she got rid of that sign and quickly grabbed another.<br />
<br />
More stares came her way...the sign read:<br />
<br />
*"Men's entrance"*<br />
<br />
She could feel her face getting redder by the moment, threw away the sign and grabbed the last one she could grab.<br />
<br />
Practically everyone was looking at her now, if not for the spectacle she was causing, but also for what was now on that sign.<br />
<br />
*"Repairs ongoing, please enter by the back”*😆😆😆😆</span></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #0000ee;"><br /></span></b></div><b><span style="color: #0000ee;"><br /></span></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #0000ee;"><br /></span></b></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-1495479255754709112020-08-08T02:16:00.000-07:002020-08-08T02:16:04.171-07:00What to say at the Pearly Gates <div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s6UQrwMig8Q/Xy5sykOGGAI/AAAAAAAAb10/goJrwprplzILOWYNGkElhraDdf8o1-B6wCLcBGAsYHQ/s650/good-christian-make-it-to-pearly-gates-meet-god-peter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="339" data-original-width="650" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s6UQrwMig8Q/Xy5sykOGGAI/AAAAAAAAb10/goJrwprplzILOWYNGkElhraDdf8o1-B6wCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/good-christian-make-it-to-pearly-gates-meet-god-peter.jpg" width="640" /></b></a></div><div><b><br /></b></div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
<br />
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.</span></b><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.</span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.</span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
“On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.” </span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">“So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.”</span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">
I yelled, “Now, back off or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!”</span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
Saint Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”</span></b></div><div><b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
“A couple of minutes ago.”</span></b><div><br /></div><div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-33058993745221637132020-08-04T03:31:00.006-07:002020-08-04T03:31:42.835-07:00how a Stimulus package works<div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gJs__XH1N6U/Xyk4vU97W9I/AAAAAAAAb1U/dICMINjRh4MCIeVboWrHwIIIqS2aCtD-gCLcBGAsYHQ/s800/pay-off-debt-easy-we-help-you-pay-debt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="406" data-original-width="800" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gJs__XH1N6U/Xyk4vU97W9I/AAAAAAAAb1U/dICMINjRh4MCIeVboWrHwIIIqS2aCtD-gCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/pay-off-debt-easy-we-help-you-pay-debt.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><font color="#990000"><br /></font></b></div><b><font color="#990000"><div><b><font color="#990000"><br /></font></b></div>It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.</font></b><div><b><font color="#990000"><br />
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.</font></b></div><div><b><font color="#990000"><br />
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.<br />
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.</font></b></div><div><b><font color="#990000"><br />
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.</font></b></div><div><b><font color="#990000"><br />
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.<br />
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.</font></b></div><div><b><font color="#990000"><br />
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything...</font></b></div><div><b><font color="#990000"><br />
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.<br />
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.</font></b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-42788107174534531032020-07-15T02:54:00.001-07:002020-07-15T02:54:24.171-07:00A town in Debt needs support<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wNwaF0ZDpbg/Xw7SHfJAJTI/AAAAAAAAb0o/AwqQMimf-OUDOFv3gikV56nn-FFczBUOwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/small-town-township-corona-stimulus-package-government-finace-support.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wNwaF0ZDpbg/Xw7SHfJAJTI/AAAAAAAAb0o/AwqQMimf-OUDOFv3gikV56nn-FFczBUOwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/small-town-township-corona-stimulus-package-government-finace-support.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-18731851270405493132020-06-29T19:48:00.004-07:002020-06-29T19:48:46.783-07:00Do you know who you are ?<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0B2DCqEGLME/XvqnUoe6DFI/AAAAAAAAbzA/2e7xgDi-J4Arr2YZopc8-8OeCv_ykPVZACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/improve-queue-management-in-airports.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0B2DCqEGLME/XvqnUoe6DFI/AAAAAAAAbzA/2e7xgDi-J4Arr2YZopc8-8OeCv_ykPVZACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/improve-queue-management-in-airports.jpg" width="320" /></span></b></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">An award should go to the United </span></b><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably </span></b><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2cBsMvJ8mn0/Xvqn0tGKHzI/AAAAAAAAbzM/Px6FXeUmaZo6_JIdMC42P8MR9y3xu9-0wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/people%2Bstuck%2Bin%2Bair%2Bport%2Blatest%2Bnews%2Bflights%2Bdown%2Bgrounded.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="634" height="201" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2cBsMvJ8mn0/Xvqn0tGKHzI/AAAAAAAAbzM/Px6FXeUmaZo6_JIdMC42P8MR9y3xu9-0wCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/people%2Bstuck%2Bin%2Bair%2Bport%2Blatest%2Bnews%2Bflights%2Bdown%2Bgrounded.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that </span></b><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to </span></b><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">dance in the rain.</span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-16968687365197013342020-05-17T19:05:00.006-07:002020-05-17T19:06:13.655-07:00Funny signs <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-67RneRJQtls/XsHsxXpYvGI/AAAAAAAAbvE/VKGnx5HsOm0zUw-XP3NiLp5BMVxqUQ0kQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/funny%2Bstreet%2Bsigns.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="600" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-67RneRJQtls/XsHsxXpYvGI/AAAAAAAAbvE/VKGnx5HsOm0zUw-XP3NiLp5BMVxqUQ0kQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/funny%2Bstreet%2Bsigns.jpg" width="320" /></i></span></b></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><i><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></i></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Signboard outside Heaven:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>"Lying naked with somebody in bed and screaming Oh God...Oh God.... will not be considered as prayers"</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Signboard outside a Prayer Hall:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>" Please Do Not Leave Your Bags, Wallets, Cell Phones Unattended.. Others Might Think Those Are The Answers To Their Prayers."</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Signboard outside a prostitute's house..</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>" Married MEN are not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy.."</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rEQzqLAgZgk/XsHsxpi1S9I/AAAAAAAAbvI/u3Ln_ClfizsG0jGZikuYDjjI7wY7ZOwdACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/funny%2Broad%2Bstreet%2Bsigns.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><img border="0" data-original-height="543" data-original-width="620" height="280" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rEQzqLAgZgk/XsHsxpi1S9I/AAAAAAAAbvI/u3Ln_ClfizsG0jGZikuYDjjI7wY7ZOwdACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/funny%2Broad%2Bstreet%2Bsigns.jpg" width="320" /></i></span></b></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Signboard outside A Bar:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>" Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance "</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Signboard outside Driving School:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>" If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way....."</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Signboard outside Library:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i><br /></i></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>"Statutory Warning... While reading Kamasutra, please hold the book with BOTH Hands.."</i></span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-73278030772388176712020-04-30T21:56:00.000-07:002020-04-30T21:56:14.305-07:00The Rich Friend <span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MsN3ExNfYFk/Xqurtq560vI/AAAAAAAAbrI/kP4MgBgjzQYX9HWAKOpYm7ZXQLlNnfDwwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/rich%2Bfriend%2Bmaid%2Bserve%2Btea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="986" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MsN3ExNfYFk/Xqurtq560vI/AAAAAAAAbrI/kP4MgBgjzQYX9HWAKOpYm7ZXQLlNnfDwwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/rich%2Bfriend%2Bmaid%2Bserve%2Btea.jpg" width="197" /></a></div>
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Tea pls.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Ceylon Tea pls.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: How do U want it, black or white?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: White....</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Milk or fresh cream?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: With milk.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Goat milk or cow milk?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Cow’s milk.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Uhm, lemme go with d freezeland cow.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Would U like it with sweetner, sugar or honey?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Sugar.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Cane sugar</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: White, brown or yellow sugar?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Aiyo! forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water...</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Mineral, tap or distilled water?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Mineral water.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Flavored or non flavored?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Infact, get me an empty glass!</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">MAID: Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">ME: Free me, I will swallow my spit..."</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-33141435756606795802020-04-11T22:54:00.000-07:002020-04-11T22:55:18.148-07:00The Thai Massage<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DgW74dNgxXc/XpKstJ9GmjI/AAAAAAAAbpw/FNOcvd0HqQkaPJnZOxhp90Mwin9lerfRACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/relaxing%2Bthai%2Bmassage%2Bwith%2Bstones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="843" data-original-width="1600" height="168" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DgW74dNgxXc/XpKstJ9GmjI/AAAAAAAAbpw/FNOcvd0HqQkaPJnZOxhp90Mwin9lerfRACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/relaxing%2Bthai%2Bmassage%2Bwith%2Bstones.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sam, who during a vacation to Thailand, ordered a massage session in his room. One for his wife and one for himself.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>After massaging Sam for a while, the Thai girl said, "Massage penis".</b></span><br />
<b style="color: #660000;"><br /></b>
<b style="color: #660000;">Sam felt awkward, but kept quiet, looking shiftily at his wife.</b><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>The Thai masseuse again said, "Massage penis."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>There was silence, yet again ...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Finally, his wife spoke... </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>"Don't raise your hopes, ... She's telling you "Massage finish!"</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-46955022874822134722020-04-01T04:42:00.001-07:002020-04-01T04:42:27.432-07:00Missing Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wDukJJfkMEE/XoR-BRLGx-I/AAAAAAAAboY/mvNwncPfEJ0Vyz40TuXMtjlEQILFxQPugCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCifjPkTHZEEl_82euwcRzyWFHhQ0o47bGaBJIBmqWTgc-6eNQdLtJHsJknUt7nKoenTJfSc9lYULjXDgwKfF4jDqMPyvR9dLQpwDYGJTJ4yJ0KMPrRLWwaLhHvMscZVcFE2vbzaqAPrcjdX-cUDAGLJe1fh_6QQwjTO69eVB58byE20jM8oNUrP2exQeUClbBR5NE8bTRDD485cd1LT1B-bIRYJi1rLG3dQE3fvqhg89E7JM0gNkreVhCZcaO22ISzjzpxSPIa_9ZwVAv2ZQnjvXunqhnX-AFagwq9KWrzrAwhpBJCJ6oJF9ZFFuy8ZyMK91iB_kwCsoXYsl8v9E_aG8uSz3HS3WjqJ2iVz7WX9_3lzMG04INotqEInyq5AIRb4UCyubhr7wHwhfuwF_Q712WR6pp8ZaOvzBVNU3SxmWsq6JvlVNruVKylz-0KlA-40rt924PETLwlD6ghOTDN6nmLoFlCyeKmrHWNm1fHudOWJmOmPosz4-ZP42fBChV-HWCTdlKjn88wY6H5adVK5AY9--AV2gnH_6b-8myvS0rvryIBeYO7C4eoii5PH4mXRNyoiWwPFqZYmxIQJwOjEUyuX4yzkRpBMPOAkvQF/s1600/wife%2Bmissing%2Bsign%2Blost%2Band%2Bfound.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1077" data-original-width="1600" height="215" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wDukJJfkMEE/XoR-BRLGx-I/AAAAAAAAboY/mvNwncPfEJ0Vyz40TuXMtjlEQILFxQPugCEwYBhgLKs4DAMBZVoCifjPkTHZEEl_82euwcRzyWFHhQ0o47bGaBJIBmqWTgc-6eNQdLtJHsJknUt7nKoenTJfSc9lYULjXDgwKfF4jDqMPyvR9dLQpwDYGJTJ4yJ0KMPrRLWwaLhHvMscZVcFE2vbzaqAPrcjdX-cUDAGLJe1fh_6QQwjTO69eVB58byE20jM8oNUrP2exQeUClbBR5NE8bTRDD485cd1LT1B-bIRYJi1rLG3dQE3fvqhg89E7JM0gNkreVhCZcaO22ISzjzpxSPIa_9ZwVAv2ZQnjvXunqhnX-AFagwq9KWrzrAwhpBJCJ6oJF9ZFFuy8ZyMK91iB_kwCsoXYsl8v9E_aG8uSz3HS3WjqJ2iVz7WX9_3lzMG04INotqEInyq5AIRb4UCyubhr7wHwhfuwF_Q712WR6pp8ZaOvzBVNU3SxmWsq6JvlVNruVKylz-0KlA-40rt924PETLwlD6ghOTDN6nmLoFlCyeKmrHWNm1fHudOWJmOmPosz4-ZP42fBChV-HWCTdlKjn88wY6H5adVK5AY9--AV2gnH_6b-8myvS0rvryIBeYO7C4eoii5PH4mXRNyoiWwPFqZYmxIQJwOjEUyuX4yzkRpBMPOAkvQF/s320/wife%2Bmissing%2Bsign%2Blost%2Band%2Bfound.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>My wife is missing.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant at Police Station:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>What is her height?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Weight?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Color of eyes?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Color of hair?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Changes a couple times a year.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Maybe dark brown now.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>I can’t remember.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>What was she wearing?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>What kind of car did she go in?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>She went in my Jeep.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>What kind of Jeep was it?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Husband: (sobbing)</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>It's a 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps,Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer......</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Sergeant:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><b>Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Jeep.</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-17506919296590950092020-03-18T23:19:00.001-07:002020-03-18T23:19:45.616-07:00The tigers Wedding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x22FEZgRg74/XnMOtkPYN1I/AAAAAAAAbnU/fryhiglqjIsCGlqF-Yhz3AnDipjjSUnbwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/tiger%2Band%2Btigress%2Bgets%2Bmarried.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="380" data-original-width="570" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x22FEZgRg74/XnMOtkPYN1I/AAAAAAAAbnU/fryhiglqjIsCGlqF-Yhz3AnDipjjSUnbwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/tiger%2Band%2Btigress%2Bgets%2Bmarried.jpg" width="320" /></b></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding. Every animal stood</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b> at a distance and wished the tiger.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>A cat came and climbed to the stage and danced, then extended his hand to wish the tiger.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>The tiger roared in rage and said "how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is maintaining its distance and yet you climbed the stage."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>The cat replied and after listening to what the cat said, the tiger fainted. What do you think the cat said to the tiger?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Any guess?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iPXERR-GZ8I/XnMOt4kMH6I/AAAAAAAAbnY/PIu6mgFXRZcWZcYgB2RRI2fXiUsc5RvRQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/toyger-cat-tiget-look-like-genetically-modified.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="380" data-original-width="645" height="188" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iPXERR-GZ8I/XnMOt4kMH6I/AAAAAAAAbnY/PIu6mgFXRZcWZcYgB2RRI2fXiUsc5RvRQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/toyger-cat-tiget-look-like-genetically-modified.jpg" width="320" /></a>a</b></span></div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>The cat said, "I was also a tiger before I got married".</b></span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-45284914996850732892020-03-10T03:25:00.001-07:002020-03-10T03:25:34.437-07:00My Darling Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sjh6caRxahE/Xmdq1f1uoYI/AAAAAAAAbmw/_XshTLB3DX4-ZwM6Bfx68VNHesr2t95nwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/couple-dancing_Husband_Wife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sjh6caRxahE/Xmdq1f1uoYI/AAAAAAAAbmw/_XshTLB3DX4-ZwM6Bfx68VNHesr2t95nwCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/couple-dancing_Husband_Wife.jpg" width="400" /></b></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>A bus full of housewives going on a picnic, fell into a river, all died .</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Each husband cried for a week.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>one husband continued for more than two weeks !!!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>When asked that did he miss his wife so much ?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>he replied miserably : No</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>My wife missed the bus !!!</b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>***********</b></span></div>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting !</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>He told the men to stand in two queues...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Only 1 man stood in the second Queue...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>God said "So you control ur wife?"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Man: "R u CRAZY ???</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>My wife told me to stand here"...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>***********</b></span></div>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>A Junior in office dialed his boss's extension by mistake & said: "Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 min"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Boss Shouted: Do u know whom u r talking 2? </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Jr : No!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Boss: I'm the BOSS </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Jr (in same tone): do u know whom u r talking to?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Boss: No!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Jr : THANK GOD (& disconnected) </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>*************</b></span></div>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>KEEP LAUGHING AND SHARE THIS POST AMONG YOUR FRIENDS !!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>A family member pulled her aside and asked: "What did you know?" </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>She replied: "That, Chinese products don't last long!!"</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-67923574484973102022020-02-23T21:00:00.001-08:002020-02-23T21:00:34.539-08:00Why I stopped drinking Whiskey <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wy1y4LmIy-o/XlNYJaoh1bI/AAAAAAAAblY/no9wTZEMspkXWef-TuzfjQ1XloOYLIEdgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/females%2Band%2Bwhiskey%2Ba%2Bgood%2Bcombination.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><span style="color: #783f04;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wy1y4LmIy-o/XlNYJaoh1bI/AAAAAAAAblY/no9wTZEMspkXWef-TuzfjQ1XloOYLIEdgCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/females%2Band%2Bwhiskey%2Ba%2Bgood%2Bcombination.jpg" width="400" /></span></b></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">Whiskey contains female hormones!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">Montreal University scientists revealed this.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">Men should take a concerned look at their Whiskey consumption.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">The theory is that Whiskey contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough Whiskey men turn into women.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 cups of Whiskey each within a one (1) hour period.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CxLx1px95ko/XlNYITbPOLI/AAAAAAAAblU/oGjqxqBLUx0NeB7beZP1V8dENUbMdEr0gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/WomenWhoDrinkWhiskey.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="405" data-original-width="720" height="180" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CxLx1px95ko/XlNYITbPOLI/AAAAAAAAblU/oGjqxqBLUx0NeB7beZP1V8dENUbMdEr0gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/WomenWhoDrinkWhiskey.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">1) Argued over nothing.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">3) Gained weight.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">4) Talked excessively without making sense.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">5) Became overly emotional.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">6) Couldn't drive.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">7) Failed to think rationally,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">and</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #783f04;">8) Had to sit down while urinating.</span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-18346334715429833302020-01-27T02:20:00.002-08:002020-01-27T02:20:38.684-08:00Long Lasting Erection <span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MLh85Q9bOro/Xi65WfmM7EI/AAAAAAAAbVA/mJ6PfanrRUIL8k0WI2vL6W3wm_iC8kSogCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/pharmacy%2Bfor%2Blong%2Blasting%2Berectile%2Bfunctionality.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="500" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MLh85Q9bOro/Xi65WfmM7EI/AAAAAAAAbVA/mJ6PfanrRUIL8k0WI2vL6W3wm_iC8kSogCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/pharmacy%2Bfor%2Blong%2Blasting%2Berectile%2Bfunctionality.jpg" width="400" /></b></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>I went to a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The woman I spoke to said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>She asked if she could help me.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b> * 1/3rd ownership in the store</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b> * a company car</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b> * A furnished house</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b> * a king size bed and</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b> * £7500/- a month in living expenses."</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-90148691870354860082020-01-07T01:48:00.004-08:002020-01-07T01:48:49.724-08:00Coincidence it is ... <span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VhFKL9zfDoM/XhRTwisGkvI/AAAAAAAAbTU/kJOEHmMFGlUv_ebdzc93sfvWQwkyRGZPwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/tiger-beer-bar-blonde-sexy-drink-drunk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="455" height="316" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VhFKL9zfDoM/XhRTwisGkvI/AAAAAAAAbTU/kJOEHmMFGlUv_ebdzc93sfvWQwkyRGZPwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/tiger-beer-bar-blonde-sexy-drink-drunk.jpg" width="320" /></b></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Man In Bar Orders Tiger Beer.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lady Next To Him - </b></span><b style="color: #134f5c;">What a coincidence, I am having Tiger Beer too. 🍺</b><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Man - I'm celebrating.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lady - Me too.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Man - What a coincidence ! Why are you celebrating ?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lady - My husband & I have tried 4 years for a baby. Today I'm pregnant!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BRxYoDZzTlY/XhRTwyBL_DI/AAAAAAAAbTY/TrH-Mrz7mKsLEdMaY9j8tg3l1Y5lPcgOQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/serve_pregnant_beer_bar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BRxYoDZzTlY/XhRTwyBL_DI/AAAAAAAAbTY/TrH-Mrz7mKsLEdMaY9j8tg3l1Y5lPcgOQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/serve_pregnant_beer_bar.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b style="color: #134f5c;">Man - What a coincidence! I am a farmer. For 4 years my hens couldn't lay any eggs. Today all are laying eggs!</b><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lady - Wow! How did that happen?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Man - I used a different cock 🐓</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lady smiled and said</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-42253345564896666092019-12-30T23:54:00.000-08:002019-12-30T23:54:55.721-08:00Geographically Punnier<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3GqFAMpRWjQ/XejDHVEuZNI/AAAAAAAAbPA/svvZtR6kylkD56lyKip7qA56O0g7s4IaACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1130" data-original-width="1600" height="226" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3GqFAMpRWjQ/XejDHVEuZNI/AAAAAAAAbPA/svvZtR6kylkD56lyKip7qA56O0g7s4IaACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : I'm Hungary.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : Okay, I'm Russian to the kitchen. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Mum : Hmm ... maybe you'll find some Turkey. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yucks! </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Mum : Denmark your name on the can. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : Kenya do it for me? </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Mum : Okay, I'm Ghana do it. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : Thanks, I'm so tired - Iran for an hour today.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Mum : It Tokyo long enough. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes!</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-43821374094619060932019-12-17T02:45:00.002-08:002019-12-17T02:45:53.296-08:00African at a Restaurant <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8oUvmRWURI0/XfixnBNlZ-I/AAAAAAAAbP0/OHXTqj2gQmcejWW5NvTBYC-LRtA019w9ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/successful%2Bafrican%2Bin%2Blondon%2Brestaurant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="239" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8oUvmRWURI0/XfixnBNlZ-I/AAAAAAAAbP0/OHXTqj2gQmcejWW5NvTBYC-LRtA019w9ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/successful%2Bafrican%2Bin%2Blondon%2Brestaurant.jpg" width="320" /></b></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>An American man walked into a restaurant in London...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>As soon as he entered, he noticed an African man sitting in the corner...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>So he walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>"Waiter! I am buying food for everyone in this restaurant, except that black African guy over there!"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food to everyone in the</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>restaurant, except the African...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>However, instead of becoming upset, the African simply looked up at the American and shouted, "Thank you!"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>That infuriated the man !!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>So once again, the American took out his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!" </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the African.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the African simply smiled at the American man and shouted, "Thank you!"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>That made the American man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said to the waiter, "What is wrong with that African man? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except him, but instead of becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is he</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>mad???"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The waiter smiled at the American and said, "No, he is not mad. He is the owner of this restaurant...</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-80623209511102434502019-12-05T00:38:00.001-08:002019-12-05T01:00:02.337-08:00Cheating wife <span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Some days ago, I came to know a girl on the Internet. Beautiful...</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>After some chat, I felt that we had connected at a deeper level.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-c7hoVcVVvrw/XejCGO9hm5I/AAAAAAAAbO4/9ExMaQSPxukqsx5Yl4a4Z6jW917iMTO8QCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/naughty_window_cleaner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="590" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-c7hoVcVVvrw/XejCGO9hm5I/AAAAAAAAbO4/9ExMaQSPxukqsx5Yl4a4Z6jW917iMTO8QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/naughty_window_cleaner.jpg" width="283" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Yesterday, she asked me to visit her house and said, "My husband is on a business trip, and I'm alone at home."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>I was very cautious and asked, "Will your husband suddenly come back?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>She said, "No, but just in case he does, you just say that you are from UrbanClap and that your company sent you to clean the house. And then, clean the glass or something. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Anyway, Christmas is around the corner.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>My husband won't suspect a thing."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Fast forward, I was at her house. And what a big coincidence - Not even minutes in the house, her husband came back! </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>I had to be quiet and pretend to do the cleaning, wiping windows, cleaning the kitchen and the floor. And also tidy the bedrooms and wash the bathrooms. All the while, her husband and she was next to me giving all kinds of ridiculous instructions.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>When I had finished and was about to leave, her husband asked, 'How much?"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Even before I could utter a word, she said, "I have already paid the company." </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>On the way home, I kept thinking about the whole saga. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>The more I thought about it, </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>the more I felt DAMN cheated ....</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Cleaners are hard to find, beware of the new scam...........</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-85435804926231697082019-10-09T00:45:00.002-07:002019-10-09T00:45:55.811-07:00Naughty Norbert<b><span style="color: #660000;">Share your humor with your friends... Click the share buttons..</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z2YajVF-OuI/XZ2QGQ6nQPI/AAAAAAAAbHk/tDgl_xYyVfkiZNedSItQjxS565ZkY1hLgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/naughty%2Bnorbert%2Bjokes%2Blittle%2Bjohnny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="480" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z2YajVF-OuI/XZ2QGQ6nQPI/AAAAAAAAbHk/tDgl_xYyVfkiZNedSItQjxS565ZkY1hLgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/naughty%2Bnorbert%2Bjokes%2Blittle%2Bjohnny.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">Little Norbert was kicked out of Maths class by his teacher. Apparently, "mouthwash" wasn't the right answer for the question "what comes after 69?"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;"> XXXXXXXXXXXXXX </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">In a job interview with an international NGO fighting for equal rights . Norbert was asked how he views Lesbian relationships ? He was kicked out. Apparently *"In Full HD"*wasn't the right answer </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">XXXXXXXXXXXXXX </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">Teacher:- Complete the sentence. "If my cup is only half full.. Little Norbert :- "Maybe you need a smaller Bra !! Teacher:- GET OUT!!! </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">XXXXXXXXXXXXXX </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, "Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys? Little Norbert raised his hand and replied, "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down." The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?" Little Norbert countered by saying, "That's because girls get boobs, and they are heavier than the guys' balls." </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;">Seems logical to me also. I don't know why he was thrown out the class again ........ !! </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #660000;">Poor Norbert! </span></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #660000;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1jPalZKtHV4/XZ2QENYBvII/AAAAAAAAbHg/Gab5Os4nF6YWJFC4ccwdeTRm4GI57Hc5QCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/kid%2Bpunished%2Bin%2Bschool%2Bfo%2Bbeing%2Bnaughty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="406" data-original-width="468" height="276" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1jPalZKtHV4/XZ2QENYBvII/AAAAAAAAbHg/Gab5Os4nF6YWJFC4ccwdeTRm4GI57Hc5QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/kid%2Bpunished%2Bin%2Bschool%2Bfo%2Bbeing%2Bnaughty.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></b></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-2015944319335298362019-09-24T22:54:00.001-07:002019-09-24T22:54:22.836-07:00Surviving the Dessert <b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4nUWz3WgIrg/XYsBAJRGVHI/AAAAAAAAbFE/B8UiygvyCwc7wDOTRWQV6n-Gjr88jNvwACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/camel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="203" data-original-width="249" height="260" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4nUWz3WgIrg/XYsBAJRGVHI/AAAAAAAAbFE/B8UiygvyCwc7wDOTRWQV6n-Gjr88jNvwACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/camel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Anything, Father.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Father, could I ask something of you?'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Yes, Sister?'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied, lifted his robe, and almost immediately he was sporting a huge erection.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Sister, you know that if I insert this in the right place, it can give life.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Is that true Father?'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Yes, it is, Sister.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000;">'Then stick the darn thing in the camel's arse and give it life!'</span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-25660532394091155422019-08-20T22:16:00.002-07:002019-08-20T22:16:55.461-07:00Marvelous Instrument designed to be used on a woman<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oXRw0_DeWEU/XVzThKwEx0I/AAAAAAAAbDc/bODsgOaCS2EgxKBDsdr5svGhKc3A_RtlwCLcBGAs/s1600/girl-on-a-plane-next-to-preist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oXRw0_DeWEU/XVzThKwEx0I/AAAAAAAAbDc/bODsgOaCS2EgxKBDsdr5svGhKc3A_RtlwCLcBGAs/s320/girl-on-a-plane-next-to-preist.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b style="color: #741b47;">An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor ?</b><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>'Of course child. What may I do for you?'</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I am afraid they will confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps ?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>"With your face, Father, no one will question you"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>"Father, do you have anything to declare?"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BA79kel6HUA/XVzThb7F9nI/AAAAAAAAbDg/zifT1v3Kh54YIeomZAOwz2wgGuuQcbmggCEwYBhgL/s1600/preist%2Bin%2Bplane%2Bflight.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="471" data-original-width="707" height="212" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BA79kel6HUA/XVzThb7F9nI/AAAAAAAAbDg/zifT1v3Kh54YIeomZAOwz2wgGuuQcbmggCEwYBhgL/s320/preist%2Bin%2Bplane%2Bflight.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>"I have a marvelous Instrument designed to be used on a woman,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>but which is, to date, unused.."</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>Roaring with laughter, the official said,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>"Go ahead, Father.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>Next Pls..."</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-66903001256007154802019-08-08T04:25:00.000-07:002019-08-08T04:25:17.498-07:00The Chinese in USA<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JLdbDrFRNOo/XUwGINdakJI/AAAAAAAAbCk/askTjKEg-cwmzj6ePkzIXypOdjmNx52qgCLcBGAs/s1600/chinese_in_the_USA_having_Fun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><span style="color: #990000;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="640" height="210" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JLdbDrFRNOo/XUwGINdakJI/AAAAAAAAbCk/askTjKEg-cwmzj6ePkzIXypOdjmNx52qgCLcBGAs/s320/chinese_in_the_USA_having_Fun.jpg" width="320" /></span></b></a></div>
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">A Chinaman moves to USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">He bought a home in a suburb.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">He goes next door </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese urinate into a glass and then drink it.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the China-man leading a bull down the drive-way .....pause...... and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">The American bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the China-man and says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">The China man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs, I doing, </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">these American Customs.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">'What do you mean' says the neighbor, 'Those aren't American customs.'</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">'Yes they are. </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">Man at travel agent tell me' replied the China-man.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">'He say to become true American, I must learn to</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">..... chase chicks,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">..... get piss drunk,</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: #990000;">and </span></b><b><span style="color: #990000;">..... listen to bull-shit!'</span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-10809765271535161212019-07-30T03:33:00.000-07:002019-07-30T03:33:23.978-07:00Side effects of eating Chicken<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kEihXopL2rE/XUAb2MZMSCI/AAAAAAAAbB4/FMt8wT6sR_cYkAnz-09nCTWkiq45cIh8QCEwYBhgL/s1600/popeyes_KFC_Fast_Food_chicken.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="469" data-original-width="834" height="223" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kEihXopL2rE/XUAb2MZMSCI/AAAAAAAAbB4/FMt8wT6sR_cYkAnz-09nCTWkiq45cIh8QCEwYBhgL/s400/popeyes_KFC_Fast_Food_chicken.png" width="400" /></b></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends..Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>'Why?' he asked.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>'Let me see' he said. </b></span><b style="color: #38761d;">'Okay' and she showed him.. He looked and said, 'That's right.You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'</b><br />
<b style="color: #38761d;"><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzMynkw71Q8/XUAb1xCUgHI/AAAAAAAAbB0/qzI_xaeKoi81ouUtkm6Ol1ICZLGxeacaQCEwYBhgL/s1600/chicken_Kid_unhealthy_not_good_bad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="547" height="187" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzMynkw71Q8/XUAb1xCUgHI/AAAAAAAAbB0/qzI_xaeKoi81ouUtkm6Ol1ICZLGxeacaQCEwYBhgL/s320/chicken_Kid_unhealthy_not_good_bad.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,</b></span><b style="color: #38761d;">'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he showed her!</b><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>She said, 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what ! !</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-593567995774944122.post-46002697155140182682019-07-16T00:13:00.003-07:002019-07-16T00:13:29.752-07:00Hello Google - Endless Possibilities <span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2rBZPY_5b8k/XS1488yg8qI/AAAAAAAAbA4/sPx544Br8GYkxMAFlhquVO_-CAgfslqbgCLcBGAs/s1600/google_Home_AI_Robot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="666" data-original-width="1600" height="133" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2rBZPY_5b8k/XS1488yg8qI/AAAAAAAAbA4/sPx544Br8GYkxMAFlhquVO_-CAgfslqbgCLcBGAs/s320/google_Home_AI_Robot.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>Hey Google, I am feeling the urge to have sex.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>Google:: Most certainly. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>The Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>I have hired your favourite Thai masseuse. She is just 12 minutes away as per her uber ride status. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>I have scheduled her 5k payment from your credit card 2 hours from now.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>I have checked your wife's GPS and she is at Walmart buying groceries. As per her buying checklist stored on my disk, she will take at least 2 more hours plus considering Google maps traffic, an extra 1 hour to reach home. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>Enjoy your sex. And yes, your condom is in the pull out drawer of your living room and the key to that drawer is in your wallet. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>This is the last condom, so I have added condoms to your Amazon cart</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>This is called Artificial Intelligence</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xa9eowCficg/XS149QqHQlI/AAAAAAAAbA8/tB9VFyVNtKENK2WQkcPPXmounK4Mj54nACLcBGAs/s1600/Best_looking_Thai_massuse%2Bhooker%2Bcheap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="239" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xa9eowCficg/XS149QqHQlI/AAAAAAAAbA8/tB9VFyVNtKENK2WQkcPPXmounK4Mj54nACLcBGAs/s320/Best_looking_Thai_massuse%2Bhooker%2Bcheap.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>Wife: Hey Google, have you set it up?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>Google: Sure thing, he thinks you are going to take three hours, all you gotta do is take an Uber home, you will reach in 45 minutes. I'm recording the whole thing with four cameras, you just need to walk in, we have the bastard cold, i have your divorce papers printed and ready, and your attorney briefed, and case documents drafted, will be filled tomorrow $5 million damages plus $100,000 per month alimony. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>All set. Your uber ride is waiting outside.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>This is artificial counter intelligence.</b></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0