Pretty Italian Bride !

An Italian Guy has met a beautiful girl and gets engaged. 

He asks his mum if he can bring three women home for her to meet and she has to guess which is his chosen bride. His mum agrees. 

That night a big Italian Feast is prepared and the three women arrive and are all introduced to his mother. The night is long and they all appear to have a lot of fun. 

At the end of the night the son asks his mother which of the women have I chosen as my bride. 

The mother promptly replies without hesitation the one on the right. The son surprised says Mum how did you know ? 

She replies it's the one I didn't like ......

Politicians and elections - A short Story !

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.

Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.


One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?



Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive". But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie.


















wonder whether this would happen to all lying politicians who put the great united states of America USA in jeopardy. Donald Trump to Jeb Bush to Hilary Clinton to all politicians who lie to the people during elections

Little Johnny and Teacher !

Johnny was always lucky to get the sexiest looking teachers who dressed up in a revealing manner. Sadly though, they were also pretty strict on the poor little bastards. 

One day, the teacher was looking so sexy and bubbly, all students in the class were turned on...

One guy, Peter was caught smiling...

Teacher - Why are you smiling Peter?

Peter - I saw a strap of your bra

Teacher - GET OUT..... No classes for you for a week...

A while later, the teacher hears Jason go "WOW"...

Teacher - What's up Jason ?

Jason - I saw both your bra Starps..

Teacher - GET OUT... No classes for you for a month..

She was furious with the kids she turned swiftly towards the board and in the process dropped the marker pen. She bends to pick it up and little Johnny get's up from his seat with the biggest grin and starts walking away from the class. 

Teacher - Johnny, where do you think you are going ?

Johnny - With what I saw, my school days are over...  

The Escaped Prisoner !

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

Suicide Girls and Bikers !

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on Interstate 74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide...!!"

While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either, so he asked...

"Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why in the world are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether (she/he? )jumped or was pushed

10 Day Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week..

Black Panties for those who Mourn !

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hadn't gotten out of her mourning stage.

Her daughter was constantly calling and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replies: 'Mom, I have someone for you to meet.'

Well, when it did happen, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another. And after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend away.

On their first night there, she undresses ... as he does. There she stood - nude ... except for a pair of Black Panties, while he was in his birthday suit.

Looking at her, he asks: 'Why the black panties?

She replies: 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I'm still in mourning.'

He knows he's not getting lucky that night.

The following night it was the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit ... Except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: 'What's with this black condom?'
He replies: 'I want to offer my deepest condolences'