Do it twice ?

A very loud, unattractive, mean, nasty woman walked into Wal-Mart with  her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you  blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm  neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe someone would fuck you twice."

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A man went hunting one day in Scotland and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like the fact he was a good gunman. The game warden ordered the man to show his hunting license, and he pulled out a valid Scottish hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its Butt and said, "This duck ain't from Scotland. This is a Welsh duck. You got a Welsh hunting' license, lad?"

The man reached into his wallet and produced a Welsh hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its Butt, and said "This ain't no Welsh duck. This duck's from Ireland. You got an Irish license?"

The man reached into wallet and produced an Irish hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its Butt, and said, "This ain't no Irish duck. This here duck's from England. You got an English huntin' license?"

Again the man reached into his wallet and brought out an English hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the man "Just where the hell are you from???!!!"

At this point the man turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert."