Oh those Husband Wife Jokes !

Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi, what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Angry wife to her husband


An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ...
"O:) Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop


An intelligent wife


''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much hat Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband


Woman Buys A New Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..


Cool message by a wife


Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Sweet demand by kid


A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.


Lion bounced on wife


In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Jack's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Jack: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..


I will think about it


When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..


Habit of talking in sleep


A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake


Part & Art of living


Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.


Husband, wife & spare tyre


HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....


Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?


Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN


Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.


Dream of receiving jewellery & clothes


Wife: last night I had a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!


Recently fired stock trader


A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything & I still have my wife..."


Message of the year


Message of the year:-
Wmen live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Why did u shoot ur wife?


Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Jack: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.