Arabian Sexology !!

 

 

For more fun stuff - check the Blog Archive

Indian Jews !!

Two Jewish tourists, "Sid" and "Al", were traveling through India.

Sitting in a Bombay restaurant, Sid asked Al "Are there any people of

our faith born and raised in India?"

Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Indian Jews?"

and the waiter said, "I don't know Sir, I'll ask the cooks."

He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Indian Jews."

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely

sure?"

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with foreign tourists gave the

expected answer, "I will check again, Sir!" and went back into the

kitchen.

While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that

there are no Jews in India. Our people are scattered everywhere in

the world."

The waiter returned and said, "Sir, the head cook said there is no Indian Jews."

"Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't believe there are no

Indian Jews!"

"Sir, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter. "All we have is

Orange Jews, Mango Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews."

How things were Invented

 

 

 

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,

The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
but the women are BUSY shopping.................

More to the collection !

______________________________________________

While making love, he says:
- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one. 

______________________________________

 A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband:
- Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts! 

 ______________________________________

Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
- Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore. 

_______________________________________

A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says:
- "Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.
Married man has belly because when he comes to the bed he says:
- "Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.  

Faceless Cartoons 2 !

Click on Image to make it larger !

(Click here for faceless Cartoons 1 or check blog archive)

(Click for Faceless Cartoons 3 here)

(Click for faceless Cartoons 4)

Faceless Cartoons !!

Click On Images to view them larger !

Click here for more faceless cartoons

More Funny stuff... !

Click Here for a Wonderful Experience

Click Here for a Wonderful Experience

Click Here for a Wonderful Experience

Click Here for a Wonderful Experience

Click Here for a Wonderful Experience

LOL's !!!

Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control. 

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Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.

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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ???
Because the people started licking the wrong side!

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Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!

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Lady : "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am ! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall"
Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";

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A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine !!" 

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A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy says 'thanks for the warning'

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A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" He replied:
"Depends, If I Can find a Phone"

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Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for problems where others look for pleasure!!!

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Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?'
"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!'

 

 

Single vs. Engaged vs. Married

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered towards her friends and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat.  When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels.  He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"


The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story!  When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps.  He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning.  I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's.  I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume.  I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.  I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?" 

Sardarni, Sardaji - what the heck, they are all Indian !!

A sardarni in New York went to a worldwide message centre to send a message to her mother in India.

When the guy there told her it would cost $100, she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money! But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Punjab-India!"

The man arched an eyebrow and asked: "Anything?"

"Yes, anything!" promises the sardarni.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" & walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door."

She did. He then said, "Get down on your knees." She did just that.....

Then he said, "Unzip me." She did.

He said, "Go ahead........ take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well....... go ahead damn it!"

The Sardarni slowly brought her lips closer, and screamed loudly, "Hello.......... Mummyjee!" 

 

 

Rabbi and the Tax Collector

At the end of the tax year the Tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of the synagogue. While he was checking the books, he turned to the rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with all the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But, on he went in his obnoxious way.

"What about all those matzo purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying  to trap him with unanswerable questions.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers and every so often they send us a free box of matzo balls."   "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could  fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well Rabbi," he went on,"what do you do with all the leftover foreskins  from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save  up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a  year they send us a complete dick."

All about having a shower !

How To Shower Like a Woman :

--------------------------------------------

• Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
• Get in the shower.
• Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
• Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
• Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
• Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
  
• Rinse conditioner off hair.
• Shave armpits and legs.
• Turn off shower.
• Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
• Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
• Get out of shower.
• Dry with towel the size of a small country.
• Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

 

How To Shower Like a Man :

--------------------------------------

 

• Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
• Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
• Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
• Get in the shower.
• Wash your face.
• Wash your armpits.
• Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
• Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. 
• Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
• Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap
• Wash your hair.
• Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
• Wee.
• Rinse off and get out of shower.
• Partially dry off.
• Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
  
• Admire willy size in mirror again.
• Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on. 
• Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 
• Throw wet towel on bed.
  

 

What's in the Menu ?

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and

hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring

me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from

there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and

picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly

brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him

coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I

take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. 

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, 

"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

Cheng Lee - No Fee !

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese Detective... 
The cheapest one he could find.

This is his report:……..

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. 
I watch. He and she leave house.

I follow. He and she go hotel.  

I climb tree. I look window.  

He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he.. 
He play with she. She play with he. 

I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee....
Sincerely,

Cheng Lee

Love in mental hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead. Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...

How Columbus got Lucky with America !

If Columbus had been married, he might never have discovered America, because he would have had to answer all the following questions and listen to such dramatic statements:

Where are you going?

With whom?

Why?

How are you going?

To discover what?

Why only you?

What do I do when you are not here?

Can I come with you?

When will you be back?

Will you be home for dinner?

What will you bring for me?

You deliberately made this plan without me, didn't you?

You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...

Answer me why?

I want to go to my mother's house.

I want you to drop me there.

I don't want to come back ever!

What do you mean, OK?

Why aren't you stopping me?

I don't understand what this whole 'discovery' thing is about.

You always do things like this.

Last time also you did the same thing!

Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.

I still don't understand what else is left to be discovered!

Long live Bachelors

Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life !!

--Anonymous

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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde


------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------- 

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb


------------------------------  ----------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was  married for two years.

--Sam Kinison

( i loved this one )
------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------- 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of  one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------- 

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ----------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I h! ave never been!" I told her,  "How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

------------------------------ -------------------------------------
 My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

------------------------------ -------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------- 

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs....."

--Anonymous
------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"  The first man approached him and said, "Sir,

 I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
(J...cant stop laughing!!!!!)
------------------------------ ----------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a  coin  .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

Yellow There !!

An Italian, French and Indian went for a job interview in England.

Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.

Last was the Indian: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow"

Tech Support !!

Dear Tech Support Team: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, "A Troubled User" REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! ! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before    the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0 STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support ... Reply, Why not force DELETE Wife 1.0 or Install girlfriends 10.0 :D

Sh*t on what ??

---

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.


The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."

Bat-Man or Superman ?

Airport Security: What's your Name.

 Passenger: Batman
Airport Security: Your real name please
Passenger: My name is Bat-Man
Airport Security: Are you trying to be funny? What is your family
name 
Passenger: Superman
 

Airport Security handcuffs him & puts him into a locked security room
 

Then they checked his Passport... 

By Doctors Orders !

Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her

husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of

pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be

'satisfied.'

The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that

evening. That night they made out.

The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they

really got it on.

The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.

A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The

woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she was

doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; Sis is pregnant; my asshole

hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty,

kitty.'"

What watching PORN teaches us

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Little Johnny Jokes !

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

__________________________________________

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."
_____________________________________
 
A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

__________________________________________

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

_________________________________________________

Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," says his mom, "Of course not."

After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!" 

___________________________________________

 
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
______________________________________________

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"

Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"


______________________________________________