Black Eye's Pea or Jabu !

Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye . After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it. 

 

Jabu's answer was: "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep On the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer". The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. 

But the day after that Jabu comes back with a severe black eye again. "My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?" 

He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you sleeping?... and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving{you know} at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"... 

Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me...

Shockers !! They come when you least expect them..

A guy goes hunting. He is in Search for Deers.

Just as he was about to shoot a deer, a gust of wind blew, he fell over and the gun discharged, shooting himself in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly," answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye......."

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be  confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners... 

''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door. 

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' 

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." 

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning." 

The Lost Pastor

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Bank is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Bank and you want to show me the way to heaven!!!." Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(A few minutes later the Pastor was seen jumping in to water - LOL )

The Silver Wall

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Sweet Tea - Another Husband and wife Joke

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth.

Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea ! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea.

I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Sex Injuries and where not to have sex

Next time, be careful when you are having sex or get prepared to face the consequences....

Funny T-Shirts at Office

Here are ideas for the next T-Shirt you print to wear to office

The Talking Parrot Funny Storey !!