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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Insight to FOOT BALL !!

Why football is played for 45 minutes in each half?

Those who thought of this must have lots of time
Why people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?

Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give
the right answer.
In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable answer.

He said......."The reason people play this game for 45 minutes is...

There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team.
Each player brings his own "2 balls"

So in total there are 44 balls.

There is one bigger ball on the ground itself. Thus the grand total is 45 balls.  One minute per ball.  Hence 45 minutes

Question Answered !!!
Sometimes there is extra time of 2 mins which is the referee's balls!

There are no indications about the Coach's Balls, hence, it is assumed they are only to be scratched ...

Monday, June 28, 2010

Excuse of English Team ?

A guy calls his boss one morning and tells him that He is staying home because he is not feeling well.    

"What's the matter?" he asks 

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," he says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today

Funny Cartoons !!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Stuck Pen !!

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. 

He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on it.  I left before he finished the note. 

 *About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

·        Below is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to... 

Monday, June 21, 2010

Husbands and Wives !!



Husband: Do you know the meaning of W I F E?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,With Idiot For Ever

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new

one everyday.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills..

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you..

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Italian Romane with Shoes !

Gennaro walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.

Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her,
'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'

Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight, But how do you know?'

Gennaro answers, 'I see the reflection in my new
$300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ' Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?'

Rosa answers, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do, But how do you know that?'

He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes... How do you like them?'

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red... He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart, Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, Please, please, tella me this true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight...'
Gennaro gasps, 'Thanka God .. I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!'

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Only In India !!

More Indian Jokes - these people are indeed fun !!

IBM or Apple !!

Some Leave Applications from India

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: 
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."


This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave." 

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Tension !

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.
Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’


You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’
Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’


Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father.


Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”


Rajinikanth !

For the latest rajinikanth Jokes in Barabare click here !!

Talking about "Nothing Can Stop Me" type actors, There is one South Indian actor named Rajini Kanth who's action movies could be watched more like comedies. He would fight with 20 people at once while smoking a cigarette and will flat them all off before he finishes the cigarette without the cigarette being harmed - Talk about comedy !! Anyways, i got the following post from one of my Indian Friends and they also see somewhat the same characteristics in Chuck Norris Movies - LOL - Did you watch any Chuck N movies recently ??

Chuck Norris can easily be called the Rajinikanth of Hollywood. Around 2005 there was this internet phenomenon where people started circulating Chuck Norris Facts which describes the powers and achievements of the man. I made a list modifying a few of them sometime after that to be about Rajinikanth. I sent it as a forwarded email and was gratified when I got them back a few months later from someone else. I am sharing them with you. Can you think about any other facts?

  1. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajinikanth has allowed to live.
  2. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajinikanth.
  3. Rajinikanth counted to infinity – twice.
  4. When Rajinikanth does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  5. Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  6. Rajinikanth’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  7. Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  8. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
  9. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
  10. Rajinikanth does not get frostbite. Rajinikanth bites frost.
  11. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Padayappa on Satellite TV
  12. There are no races, only countries of people Rajinikanth has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
  13. Rajinikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  14. Rajinikanth doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  15. Rajinikanth can divide by zero.
  16. Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajinikanth turnaround kick.
  17. When taking the GRE or CAT write “Rajinikanth” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
  18. Rajinikanth invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  19. In the beginning there was nothing…then Rajinikanth kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
  20. Rajinikanth has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
  21. Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  22. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”
  23. Rajinikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  24. If you Google search “Rajinikanth getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
  25. Rajinikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  26. It takes Rajinikanth 20 minutes to watch a three hour movie.
  27. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
  28. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
  29. Rajinikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  30. James Cameron wanted Rajinikanth to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  31. Thousands of years ago Rajinikanth came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
  32. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Rajinikanth’s computer. Rajinikanth is always in control.
  33. Rajinikanth can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
  34. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Rajinikanth has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
  35. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Rajinikanth.
  36. Rajinikanth knows where Sukumarakkurupp is.
  37. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
  38. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
  39. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajinikanth.
  40. Rajinikanth can judge a book by its cover

More Rajinikanth !!
  • Google searches for the information on www.Rajni.com
  • Rajnikant used a rough copy when he was 5 yrs old...the copy now is called..... WIKIPIDEA 
  • Once death had a near Rajnikanth Experience

  1. Rajnikanth can make fishes drown in water
  2. Facebook founder Mark Zukerberg was hospitalized because Rajnikant poked him on Facebook

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Mind Games !!

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?". To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!".

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?" 

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Footbal world cup 2010 !

With the football world cup starting today, we got insight in to some of the team strategies ! let me share it with you !

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Lying Dead !

A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (making love to a dead person) 

The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"

The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:

1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and.....
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!" 

The Mail Man's last day !

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. 

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.  

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.  The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.  

At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door ( which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. 

When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. 

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, " but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." 

He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar ."

The blonde then blushed and said,"The breakfast was my idea".

Sunday, June 6, 2010

How to go to the Bathroom !!

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

Sherman said, "I am sorry,but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back".
"That's better,but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

"What about you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: 
 Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner."
The Teacher Fainted !!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Nuns !!

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a
drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock
the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it ?" calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man", replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds ?" 

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