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Monday, December 28, 2009

Rectum Stretcher and Few Christmas Funnies !

Click on images to see them larger- Enjoy the Show and Merry Christmas !!!

While she was flying down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love asked 'What's your hurry?'

To which she replied: 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what?............A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?' he asked

'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Amdan Does it again !!!!


Boss: Where were you born?
Amda: India ..
Boss: which part?
Amda: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .


2 Amda were fixing a bomb in a car.
Amda 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Amda 2: Dont worry, I have one more.


Amda: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Amda: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.


Amda joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Amda: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Amda: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Amda: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Amda: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Amda: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'Radio India!


In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Amda: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Amda: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Amda: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Amda: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child

Funnies to Laugh Out Loud !


Thursday, December 10, 2009

A few Blond Jokes !!

Refer the Link for more funny jokes to the right of this column !

Let's Start with a Christmas Joke !

The Perfect Christmas Tree

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

Parachute Jumping

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

The Bet

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

What Kind of Tracks Are They?

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

The best saved for Last - Click on image to see readable post

Sunday, November 29, 2009

History of Headache !

God said, 'Adam, I
Want you to do
Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?' 

God said, 'Go down
Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?' 

God explained it to
 Then God said,
'Cross the river...'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that
To him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill....'

Adam said, 'What is a

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On
The other side of the
Hill you will find a

Adam said, 'What's a

After God explained,
He said, 'In the cave
You will find a woman.' 

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I
Want you to

Adam said, 'How do
I do that?'

God first said (under
His breath), 'Geez.....'

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
Into the valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the
Cave, and finds the

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back. 

God, His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, 'What is it

And Adam said....




'What's a headache?'

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Funny Limerick !

Click Here for More Limericks

Never Trust a Cricketer !

Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me,
Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor, who's been six months at sea.
Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee.
First let's take the Paceman, pure speed from first to last.
My darlings do be careful, his balls are hard and fast.
Then there's the Medium Pacer, his balls swing either  way.
He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day.
Watch out for the Off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap.
If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap.
Then there's the wiley 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength,
He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful---your mothers would agree.
Never trust a cricketer----whoever he may be.
And what about the Opening bat, his struggles never cease,
He has just one ambition, to spend all day at the  'crease'.
The number Three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes,
When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes.
And do beware the Slogger, not content with one or two,
When he opens up for action, then only six will do.
Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about,
and if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out.
We come now to the last man, be ready for a shock,
He doesn't mind if he's last man in -as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful-and be well warned by me,
Never trust a cricketer- whoever he may be.
And watch the wicket keeper, girls; he's full of flair and dash,
And if you raise your heels, he'll whip'em off in a  flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you had better know  the score
or he'll have you in positions that you never knew  before.
The cricket commentator- is a nosey sort of bloke,
He watches all the action and describes it stroke by  stroke.
Even the kindly umpire-may look friendly as a pup,
You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his  finger up.
So, darlings please remember, repeat after me,

Click on the Pic ;) or HERE !!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
"TANJOOBERRYMUTT" ...and be ready for China .

In order to continue getting-by in China , we need to learn English the way it is spoken in China...... ......... ........

Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to
understand the term "TANJOOBERRYMUTT" .

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes... The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. "
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs ."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: ".....What?? "
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan
sahn toes' means."
RoomService: " Toes ! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish
moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea. .meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin,
we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts. "
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
and you do, don't you! 
Thank you Very Much !!

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