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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Meeting someone for Christmas !

DA: Thank you for calling dental clinic how can I help you?
Man: Hi, I need to see someone between now and Christmas
DA: sure, what day would you like to come in?
Man: yeah, but I need someone who is busty
DA: sorry...what??
Man: busty...you know...big boobs.
DA (really offended): sorry but that is NOT the right way to say things!!! What's your name??
Man: err...err sorry where is this?
DA: this is a dental clinic
Man: OMG how embarrassing, sorry wrong number.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Around the world in 80 drinks !

When did you last get a chance to taste all alcoholic beverages the world has to offer? Here we go around the world in 80 drinks !

Thursday, December 12, 2013

What did Santa get you for Christmas !

A policeman on his horse tells to a young girl on her bike "Did Santa Give you that?"

"Yes" Says the Young Girl

"Well, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year" and fines her $5..

The girl looks up at the policeman and says "Nice Horse you've got there...Did Santa give it to you last Christmas too?"

The Policeman chuckles and replies "Sure thing, he did give me the Horse"

"Well" says the little girl... "Next year, tell Santa that the Fucking dick goes under the horse and not on top of it" 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Crazy Vs. Stupid !

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to Mental Hospital.

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home.

He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
A patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.

The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem... no wonder youare destined to be a truck driver..."

"Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

The driver was very impressed and asked:"You're so smart but why are you  here in a  Mental Hospital?"

Patient replied:

"Hello, I am here because I'm CRAZY, not STUPID!"

Monday, December 2, 2013

Diamond Bracelet at Harrods !

A woman walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Good looking as well as cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. 

He politely greets lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Blushing and uncomfortable, but, still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', She asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Smokers Fun !

Girl : U Smoke ?????

Man : Yeah 

Girl : How much do you smoke a day ?

Man : Around 3 Packs a day !

Girl : How much does each pack cost ?

Man : Say $ 10.00 each !

Girl : You know thats $ 900 a month and Gosh a $10,950 a year ?

Man : Yeah !

Girl : For how long have you been smoking ?

Man : Like 15 years !

Girl : So you know that's $164,250 in all. You could have got a bloody Ferrari..

Man : Hmmm.... Interesting... Do you Smoke?

Girl : NOOOOO !!

Man : So where is your Fukin' Ferrari Bitch ???

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thanksgiving Funny !

Preparing your Thanksgiving day dinner? Here is how you prepare your Turkey !

Monday, November 18, 2013

Top 10 Songs in the Arab World !

OK - another Arab Funny.. I am going to get bombed one of these days by Achmeth !

The top 10 songs played on 95.8 Kabul FM on Sunday....

1. Losing my religion - REM (Raving Edict Mullah mix)

2. Unchained Mullahdy - The Self Righteous Brothers

3. Aid Drops Keep Falling on my Head - Johnny Farnham

4. Living on a Prayer mat - TaliBon Jovi

5. Tented love - Soft (Terrorist) Cell

6. Do you really want to shoot me? - Boy George Bush & Capture Club

7. Rockin Allah-ver the World - Status Quaeda

8. I'm too extremist for my turban - Right Said Mullah Omar

9. The Ayatollah Skank - Fatwa Boy Slim

10. (Come up and find me) Mecca me smile -Grand Wizard of KKK

And the 5 Most popular among Oldies was

The Grateful Dead - Yesarafat
What a Bomba-ful World - Loose Armstoned
Oops Bombed - SNAP
I get droned about you - Damn Hartman
Hey Mr. Taliban - US Army !

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Handling Introverts !!!

Who are introverts? How do we treat them and how do we need to treat them?

Are Cowardly Ass Holes that Hide Behind Bushes and Kill innocent animals Introverts? Not in my opinion... They truly are Ass Holes !

They who are the??

Are they the ones who see no wrong in what they do but fail to see the rational behind the misdeed done? Not again !

This is what an Introvert is !!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween Jokes !

Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
A: Spooketi

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it’s Halloween!!

Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

 Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have any guts!

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no BODY to go with.

Q: What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?
A: “Trike or Treat”?

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?
A: His “ghoul” friend!

Q: Why is Superman’s costume so tight?
A: Because he wears a size “S”.

Q: What do you get if you cross a cow and a monster?
A: An “udder” disaster!

Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!

Q: What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?
A: A sandwich!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A nectarine!

“Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf.”
“Please be quiet and comb your face.”

Q: What kind of dessert does a ghost like?
A: I scream!

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: What do birds say on Halloween?
A: Twick o tweet

Q: What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?
A: A cocker poodle boo.

Q: What do moms dress up as on Halloween?
A: Mummies!

Q: What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?
A: Booberries!

Q: What does a skeleton say before dinner?
A: Bone appetit!

Q: What does a witch use to keep her hair up?
A: Scarespray!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
A: Boo-Jeans.

Q: Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirit.

Q: What did one owl say to the other owl?
A: Happy Owl-ween!

Q: Why is a skeleton so mean?
A: He doesn’t have a heart.

Q: What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A: A fence.

Q: What did the ghost say to the other ghost?
A: Do you believe in humans?

Q: What do vampires take when they are sick?
A: Coffin drops!

Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?
A: Count Quackula!

Q: What is a ghost’s favorite pie?
A: Booberry pie!

Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Shark Attack Facts !

Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Winter Weather Forecast !

It was autumn, and members of a Native American Indian tribe asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Chief in a modern society and had never been taught the old secrets of Nature, he looked up at the sky and had no clue what to do. 

To play it safe, he replied to his tribe that the winter could definitely be cold and that they should collect firewood early, just to be prepared. So, the members began gathering wood.

Being a practical leader, he figured he should also use the resources available to the modern society. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Will this winter be cold?”

“As of now, it looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,” the forecaster said.

So the Chief went back to his tribe and told them to collect even more wood. A week later he called the National Weather Service again and asked for an update.

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “based on incoming data, this winter is looking to be colder than we expected.” The Chief was surprised, but again went back to his tribe, told them that this might be a very cold winter, and asked them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

One week later, the Chief called the National Weather Service yet again, hoping for a new answer. 

“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Positive,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

“Really?” the shocked Chief exclaimed. “How can you be so sure?”

“First,” the forecaster replied, “The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.”

Thursday, October 10, 2013

New Celebrity Bobbleheads

All were fascinated about the Bobble Heads of famous characters posted sometime back. Well, here are the new ones.

Who looks the hottest, Who looks the funniest?

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Style Your Garage !

(No they are not paying me for advertising them - but, thought this was funny - of course in a good way)

Are you fed up with looking daily at your boring garage door?

Just stick a new decal on your door....and wait for the neighborhood reaction !

Make an impression on your neighbors !

The German company "Style your Garage" makes posters for your garage door.

 Good Stuff Ya?

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