Funny IT People !!

Some might consider IT people specially software engineers geeks. Well, as much as them being geeks, they do provide us with great entertainment. See pics below - you can click on them for larger views.

Funny Indian Taxi Driver !!

If you've ever had an Indian taxi driver you'll love this one...



A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi at Fortitude Valley in Brisbane.

The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab.

"What's wrong with you Luv, haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..."

"Well, if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me?!"

Time Traveling in the Bar Joke

Click on Below Image for better reading view

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.



It works like this:

It is a well-known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double brandies & coke, etc), you're moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture. According to his Relativity Theory, anybody moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub.

Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine:- for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub. A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 o'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and get home early!!" However, the moment this person steps outside the pub, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and he/she then goes:" Why is it so quiet?? OMG!!! It's half past one!! WHAT HAPPENED???!!??" .and the answer, of course, is Time Dilation!!

I've tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except Fellow time travellers) have been able or willing to understand the sound Scientific basis of this phenomenon.


Please forward this to all your known time travellers - maybe we can prove this theory by sheer, overwhelming force of numbers.

Express you Views on New Facebook (FB) Layout !

With the new look of Facebook, one could nothing but wonder what on earth Mister Mark Zack is up to.... Well here is our view !!!!

Seriously !!! don't you think it's so true ???? They have copied all others to bring to us the new Facebook !!

This future is not that far !!!

Funny Drinking Stories !

CLICK for more funny drinking stuff 


"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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To some it 's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.


One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:


"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

MAJOR WARNING - ALCOHOL MAY INFLUENCE YOU TO  SEE UGLY GIRLS AS PRETTY.

Funny Definition on Globalization !

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Question:

What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:

Princess Diana's death.

Question:

How come?

Answer :

An

English princess

with an

Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in

A French tunnel,

riding in a

German car

with a

Dutch engine,

driven by

A Belgian

who was

drunk on Scottish whisky,

followed closely by

Italian Paparazzi,

on

Japanese motorcycles,

treated by

An American doctor,

using

Brazilian medicines.

This post was originated Possibly by

A Jobless time wasting Indian,

using

American Bill Gates' technology,

and

you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses

Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,

assembled by

Bangladeshi workers

in a

Singapore plant,

transported

by Pakistani truck drivers,

hijacked

by Indonesians,

unloaded by

Sicilian longshoremen,

and

trucked to you by Mexican illegals......

That, my friend, is Globalization !

Farmer and Pretty woman in Bar Joke !

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..



The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'


What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'


This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'


'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'


'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'


I used a different cock,' he replied.


The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

Apple iphone 4 S and typo T9 errors !

MORE TYPO ERRORS HERE

Well, how many times have you typed an SMS on your phone with the T9 on and it has given you words that made you roll over and laugh your A$$ off ?? Especiall yon new apple iphone.

Here are some typo errors that I got on mail which indeed will remind you of the mistakes you did and ensure that you have a good laugh. - Ok here we go - LONG funny Post

 Apple 4S T9 typo error Sandra Sexy Dad caught cheating

 epic typo error t9 on iphonenew apple i pod ipad iphone steve jobs free apple computers

get your new phone serviced and repaired by applelatest iphone designs nikia sony samsung galaxy tabs

 daughter caught cheating to dad and momfunny t9 typo errors mesage from father to daughter mother to father grandmother girlfreind boy freind family

 dad and mom about to fuck

MORE Errors Here !!!

http://barabare.blogspot.com/2011/05/funny-phone-t9-typo-errors.html

To Marry or Not ?

An Absolutely brilliant calculation done by an Indian Mathematician !!!

It's true to all marriages around the world

WEDDING INVESTMENT 

Considering Average 30 yrs of Marriage = INR 20,000,000.00

Marriage expenses


INR 30,000 Monthly expenditure.

INR 3,000 Wife's monthly maintenance.



RETURNS:

(In terms of SEX - afterall, we think it comes free all the time)

First 5 years Weekly 3 Times.


Next 5 years Weekly 1 Time.


Next 10 years Once in 15 days.


Next 10 years Once in a month.




TOTAL COST

1400 times sex in 30 years for an estimated expenditure of a whooping : INR 1,78,40,000.


+ (PLUS)


Opportunity cost on INR 20,00,000 spent on wedding at 7% for 40 years as per current Post-tax Fixed Deposit Interest rate  is INR 2,98,48,915.68

TOTAL COST = 4,77,88,915.68 INR

Kindly Note:


A Man spends INR 34,135 for each time he has Sex with his Wife....!!!

CONCLUSION : Outsourcing is cheaper.

A whore of your choice costs MUCH Less 

Funny Fill in the Blank Answer !

If a girl faints !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

University aspirants were asked to fill in the blanks: "If a girl faints, we must first feel her pu_s_".

Those who wrote 'Pulse' became doctors . . . .

Those who wrote 'Purse' became investment bankers, lawyers and professional thieves . . . .

The rest like you and me were considered normal, and good enough to go straight into adult life ...

Mary at Church - Church Joke

At the regular Sunday morning service, Rev Roberto announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.

Colin, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims, "If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Daniel, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If Rev Roberto will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education for his children!"

More sighs and loud applause....

Mary aged 68, stands and announces with a smile, "If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide sex!"

There is total silence....

Rev Roberto blushing and asks her: "Mary, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"

Mary's 70-year old husband Mike, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said: "Fuck him!''

A Funny Ghost Story !

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford , a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John , paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night.. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath.

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other.... 'Look Paddy......there's that freaking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'