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Monday, January 28, 2013

Joke for Men !





'One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'Why are you crying?'

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, 'No.'

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, 'No.'

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, 'Yes.'
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with
ANGELINA JOLIE 'Is this your wife?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The woodcutter replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to
ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to
ANGELINA JOLIE .'

The moral of this story is:
Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! -

'WE ARE
 HONOURABLE MEN!!!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Blond and Red Head



Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers. 

Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Playing Rugby the Funy Way !




Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there."



Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike.."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're in the team for this Saturday."

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Not so smart Women ?





Lady: Do you smoke?

Man: Yes.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Man: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Man: $ 10.00

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Man: 15 years.

Lady: So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your
spending each month at$900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?

Man: Correct.

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?

Man: Correct.

Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you smoke?

Lady: No.

Man: Where's your  Ferrari then?

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Most Hillarious Massage Joke !




An Italian, a Frenchman and an Indian were drinking at a bar, discussing what they had done the previous evening.

The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream nonstop for five minutes."
The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Indian says: "That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Amul butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!"

What did you do to make her scream for two hours??

Indian: I wiped my hands on the curtains.
 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Tips to live a longer life !




doc do you think one should live long any ways?



I mean life is also about having fun ha?


seriously ? why ain't this guy having some fun?
no sex, no drugs or alcohol, no women or prostitutes
might as well fucking die than be a pumpkin of no use

Monday, January 7, 2013

A Funny Quiz !








 It's a legit answer
So, try and figure it out.

Here is a riddle for the true intellectual.Try to come up with the answer on your own. However, the answer is at the bottom for those Who are unable to think this one through.

Here's the riddle:


At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth. One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor. The other is getting oral sex from an 75-year-old toothless woman.


 
They are both thinking the exact same thing.

What are they both thinking?


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DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Funny Nun and Car




A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency
was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas
to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.

 
The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas
can he loaned had just been loaned out,
but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on her way to see a patient,
she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

 
After looking through her car for something to carry
to the station to fill with gas,
she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, she carried it to the station,
filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.

 
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car,
two men watched her from across the street.





One of them turned to the other and said,
"I know that the Lord turned water into wine,
but if that car starts,
I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."

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