In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa.
One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer.
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Nottingham but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache."
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ..."I hope that the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”
The Red Cross has just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said that we would love to but our hose pipe reaches only as far as the bottom of the garden
I was round at my new girlfriend's for dinner the other day. As she was cooking, she asked me to turn on the veg. Apparently, fingering her disabled sister in her wheelchair wasn't the right thing to do