1. A man comes into the ER and
yells. . .
'My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out
to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began
to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs .
. and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I
instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the
patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard
Byrnes,
Seattle, WASHINGTON
3. One day I had to be the
bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a
'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan
Steinberg
4. While acquainting myself
with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete
confusion she answered . . . ' Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband
was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven
Swanson-
Corvallis, OREGON
5. A nurse was on duty in the
Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing,
entered..... It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis,
so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery... When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green and above it there was
a tattoo that read . .. .' Keep
off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed,
the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said
'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY . . . . THE
FUNNIEST
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a
smile!
A woman and a baby were in the
doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the
baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and
examined the baby, checked his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or
bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied...
'Well, strip down to your
waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched
her nipples, pressed, kneaded,
and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very
professional and detailed
examination.
Motioning to her to get
dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
under- weight. You don't have
any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his
Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
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