The Doctor, Teacher or Student - High-school Reunion !!

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Absolutely brilliant joke.  After a long time, i could really relish an intelligent joke :
Reunion Special: Read it😀😊😬😳

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called Archana

"My name is Archana. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Xavier's high school.

"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1987. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then,
that
ugly,
old,
bald,
wrinkled faced,
gray-haired,
decrepit,
idiot,
asked,

"What subject did you teach" ?"

The golden bar where Booze is .......

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Pedro came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of GOLD!" Said Pedru.

She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar.

"Hello," she said,

"I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender say,

 "Hey, Martin, - I think we found the guy who pissed  in your Saxophone!

Well, there are Saxophone urinals in some toilets - the Man could be right !!

What Alcohol Do you Prefer !!

For a laugh and could be a life lesson for some - please do share with your friends.. 

Interesting study. A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.


The results:

If Women Drink...

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:  Challenge her to a game of pool.


Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality:  Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach:    Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.


Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality:   Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach:     If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.


Water
Personality:   Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach:     Don't.


Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality:    Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach:     Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.


Bacardi Breezer, Red Square , Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake, etc.
Personality:    Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach:     Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.


Baileys, Cape Velvet, soft liqueurs
Personality:     Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach:       Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.


Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality:     Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach:       Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......



IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

Erdinger or Fosters Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so
that he can still get laid

Wine
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and
help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Port
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will
get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine
activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

President Clinton and Monika - the true story ..

Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice.The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a bit funny.

By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his bum, which made him feel even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.

He tried every door in the hallway and was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened.

As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

The President fell to the floor in pain and as he was just about to pass out, Monica bent over him to listen for a heartbeat and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice,
"Sack my cook."

And, that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

Airbus A380 Vs Eurofighter Tempo Mach 2

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h in 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, boring flight isn’t it? Take care and have a look here!”

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, only to swoop down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Boeing pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now have a look here!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After five minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed, "Well, what are you saying now?"

The jet pilot asks confused: "What did you do?" The other laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back of the flight to the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon cake and made an appointment with the stewardess for the next three nights - in a 5 Star hotel, which is paid for by my employer. "

The moral of the story is:
When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, comfort and peace are not to be despised either.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, Smarter.

Dedicated to all my friends who like me likes the S.O.S. approach and to share with their friends who need a good laugh and enlightenment 

Bill Gates resign as Microsoft CEO

Bill Gates has resigned as the 'Chairman of Microsoft' after receiving a letter from kuppuswamy. He was bright enough to handover the operations to an Indian, Satya Nadella 

It reads:

Saar,

I have some questions for you.... Please yanswer them:

Nambar wan) The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?

Nambar too) There is yeh 'Start' button... but no 'Stop' button... where it is?

Nambar tree) I have already learned Microsoft Word, when are you " laanching" Microsoft Sentence?

Nambar for) There is yeh Recycle bin... but...there is nobody coming to collect that bin. Why???

Your name is Bill... But in India they orr selling computers without Bill... Why???

Yand finally yeh personal question: 
Your surname is Gates... But you are selling Windows... Why saar why??

Tom's Scrotum

The story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story told by a loving wife....... Share with your friends and family to show gratitude to all those wonderful wives !

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise".

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." 

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the  children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain"

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom  is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

That's the Sternum for your Info.. :D :D :D