Oh those Husband Wife Jokes !

Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi, what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Angry wife to her husband


An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ...
"O:) Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop


An intelligent wife


''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much hat Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband


Woman Buys A New Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..


Cool message by a wife


Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Sweet demand by kid


A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.


Lion bounced on wife


In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Jack's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
Jack: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..


I will think about it


When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..


Habit of talking in sleep


A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake


Part & Art of living


Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.


Husband, wife & spare tyre


HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....


Who is guilty (Husband / Wife)?


Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN


Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.


Dream of receiving jewellery & clothes


Wife: last night I had a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!


Recently fired stock trader


A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything & I still have my wife..."


Message of the year


Message of the year:-
Wmen live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Why did u shoot ur wife?


Judge: why did u shoot ur wife instead of shooting her lover?
Jack: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Personality of Google !

Well, what do you think Google's personality would be? A girl, A boy, a man or a woman? Well above is the answer...... However much it might irritate you, you cannot live without them ha??

What type of Facebook User are you?

Click on below image for a larger readable version - pretty funny !

Being Happy and Gay - Father Son Joke !

Our friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party... After several drinks, one of the men had to use the toilet. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company from the bottom 'rungs' of the company. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend, a top of the range Mercedes Benz, for his birthday.'


The second guy said, 'Golly, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy! He started working for a big airline, then went to an aviation school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday!


The third man said: 'Well, that is fantastic! My son studied in the best of universities, and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire... He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion!

The three friends congratulated each other, just as the fourth returned from the toilet and asked:

'What are all these congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes made by our sons...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... What a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him!

And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the range Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.'

Funny Mental Assylum Joke !

During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director 'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the hospital.'

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'


'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the drain plug.


Well....... Do you want a bed near the window?'

Ology - Patheticology - LOL !

A tourist asked a boat guy, "Do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology or Criminology?"


The boat guy said, "NO...." not any.


The tourist then asked, "What the hell do you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!"

The boat guy said nothing.......


After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking.

The boatman then asked the tourist, "Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodiology?"

The tourist said, "NO!"

The boat guy replied, "Well today you will Drownology and Crocodiology will eat your Assology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology"

President Obama & Primier David Cameron Funny

And as their Love coninues to grow with regard to so many issues that the world and it's poor citizens as you and me have to Face.....

What the fuck do we get??

Sorry Ass Bones of Kentuky Fried Chicken (KFC)

Have Fun !

Selecting a Computer Password

A lady helps her man install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, a word that he'll always remember.

As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he selects a word but he is annoyed with her reaction, when he selects: penis.

As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria .

The computer had replied:


TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED

THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.

Once I was asked by my friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

I said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

He asked, "Can you explain?"

I said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, the friend asked me, "Give me some examples".

I said, " Smaller issues like, Which car we should buy, How much amount to save, When to visit the super market, When to go on vacation, Which sofa, Air conditioner, Refrigerator, Monthly expenses, Whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it "

He asked, "Then, what is your role?"

I said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, Whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, Whether to widen the North America's economy, Whether Roger Federer should retire from Tennis etc., etc. And Do you know, my wife, NEVER, objects to any of these decisions".

More Facebook Funnies !

And this is How Indian old Grandma got on Facebook to chat with her Boyfriend !

Seriously, Isn't this facebook in real life?? Where is Privacy ?

Oh - WTF - Dad Joined facebook - LOL !

OK - I got this off Facebook - it was circulating among a load of my freinds - Is it cool or not ?

Well, What is it ? Comments ??

Do's and Don'ts for Grownups !!

What would your mother think? Or is it that you are now controlled by your wife ?? Either way, your fun days are over Buddy !!

Funny Perceptions - How will they See Us

CLICK ON IMAGES FOR LARGER VIEWS !

Bankers - they do seem to think no end of themselves ha? Or is it just our perception?

Not sure whether Britney's Boy Friend would take this serious !

Not sure about the commercials, but, they defenitly do tend to think that the general public are fools. 

Oh those Mother in laws !

Even sex becomes perception when you are old !

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

With China becoming one of the largest economic forces and soon we will have to do a lot of dealing with them in addition to reading their instruction manuals (as most products we consume today are cheap and low quality Chinese shit) - it is of utmost importance that we learn their fucking language !

Smoking Weed Vs consuming Alcohol !

I mean - What is this world coming to? Have the legislators got their wires crossed ???

How to Spell Mississippi Joke !

Oh this is a funny world we live in !

Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.


The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is Galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come First. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, They come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one Lasta Time.

'The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.' She retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud on Public Places about our sex lives.'

Hey, coola down lady, ' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex?

I'm a Justa Tellin my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '


you're gonna read this again!!

Funny Paper Articles

Well, what could be more harmful to your body, mind and soul than smoking ? Also, smoking means, ciga, fag, weed ?

Following is a research done by Dr. Gregory Calkins of the university of Miani health center - Wonder how he became a doctor... Pitty the patients who get treated by him..

Legal or Illegal - Funny Answers at the Exam !

Is it the person who answered the questions who is DUMB or is it actually the examiner who posted the Dumb questions????? Think about it !!

How Ironic ?? It is funny how harmless is illegal and the harmful is legal ! - click on pic for larger image - it is the wiered world we live in !!