Prevent heart attacks in Women !!

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up ?”

God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color

Finally she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she asked,

“You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn’t you save me from the truck?”

(You’ll love this)



.
.
God replied:

“I couldn’t recognize you!”
😝😝😝😝😝

The Nun and the Gynecologist

A nun went to a Gynecologist.

Doctor: “What is the problem?”

Nun: “Something, is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina.”

Doctor checked and said: “Those aren’t postage stamps dear. They’re stickers pasted on the bananas imported from Costa Rica...”.

Marriage and Marijuana

In Canada, the government, in its eternal wisdom, recently passed two laws.

They are:

1. Legalized gay marriage

2. Legalized marijuana

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana at the same time now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.” Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

GHOST SEX...

A professor at the University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

 To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

 About 90 students raise their hands.

 Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

 About 40 students raise their hands.

 That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

 About 15 students raise their hand.

 Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

 Three students raise their hands.

 That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

 Way in the back, a young Arab student raises his hand.

 The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Arab student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

 When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, dear, tell us what it's like to have sex with a
 ghost?'

The student replied, "Wallah Habibi, from back there I thought you said "Goats."😜😜

Wife - Do not check your Innocent Husband's Phone

The wife checked  her husband's phone and found these names:

- The tender one 

- The amazing one 

- The Lady of my dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.

Then she called the second number on which his sister replied.

When she dialed the third  number her own phone rang !!!!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted  her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months salary to  make up for her sin.

Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelry and gave him the money

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved  as......

"Abu Khalid the electrician”*

Lady Pilots Gone Wrong !!

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If girls were pilots 😂
Girl.. "Hello control tower, this is flight ✈ 365.. We have a problem." 😲
Control tower.. "What is the problem?" 😵
Girl.. "Nothing.".😕
Control tower.. " Please tell us the problem! "
Girl.. "Naah leave it."😕
Control tower.. " Tell us please! "
Girl... "Nothing, i'm fine.. You cannot understand."😕😏
Control tower.. "For God's sake pilot please tell us the problem!" 😵

Girl.. "Just leave me alone." 😢
Control tower.. "Ohh you maniac mad girl, there are 200 passengers aboard in plane." ✈ 😡😡
Girl.. Yeahh, nobody cares for me 😢 You also only care for those 200 passengers.. I don't wanna talk to you.. Nooo 😏😂

The Democracy We Practice !

One day The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. 

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting. 

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm." 

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." 

So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that... it will rain." 

So the king hired the donkey. 

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government. The practice is unbroken to this date.😜

Aussie and Maori

Share with your friends too !!

An Aussie and a Maori walk in to a bakery.

The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, "Pretty slick aye bro ?, the owner didn't even see me".

Unimpressed, the Maori replies, "Typical dishonest Aussie... Bro ! I'm Gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result"...

The Maori calls out to the owner of the shop and says.. "Bro ! I want to show you a magic trick" 

Intrigues the owner obliges. 

The Maori asked him for a pastry and he eats it. He asks for another and he eats that too. Then he asks for another and eats that too....

By now the owner says, "C'mon mate, there is the magic trick?"

The Maori replies "Now check his pockets" pointing to the Aussie !!!!

Which Bra is You ?

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An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife. While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.

The smart Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra?"

Of course, our Economist was intrigued and he asked, "What are they?"

Salesgirl : "Sir, capitalistic suppresses the masses, socialistic uplifts the downtrodden and democratic makes mountains out of molehills."

Husband and Wife Loyalty Tests

Share on Social Media pls.. 

Test 1:

Wife buys 12 under wears of same colour for hubby..🔻

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people❓😡😡😡

Total silence...😳😁😖😷

Test 2:

A couple sees a hot girl.. 😍💃💃
Wife: So big, aren't they? 😳😳
Husband: Yes 👀
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural. 😎😎
Wife: Ear-rings & Natural?? 

Total Silence 😐😐😐

Test 3:
Men will always be Men Even if they are Indian...

Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra - a ritual practiced in India. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. 

When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. 

Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" ...

The rest of them said- "WHERE WHERE!" 😆😆😆... 😅

Why Condoms are packed in 3's, 6's and 12's

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A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy Asks, “What are these, Dad?” To which, the man Matter-of-fact replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “I’ve heard of That in health class at school.”


He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, Why are there 3 in this package?” The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday..”
“Cool” says the boy… He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then, who are these for?"
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.” “WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “Then, who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March….up to December”
The boy replied; “I am not getting married!!!!” lol......

Use the 4 letter word Carefully !!

Wife has broken her leg and her Hubby comes after work.

Hubby How r u doing??

Wife: Fine.

Hey, do me a favour.. Go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are freezing!

Hubby goes upstairs and sees Wife's hot two sisters lying on the bed.

Hubby: Ur sister sent me up to have sex with you girls..

Sisters: Prove it!

Hubby (Shouting): Hey Honey.., both of them ??

Wife:  (Shouting back): Of course! What's d point of fucking one???...

Absolute Classic!!!😂😂😜