Police Womans Panties !!

Police officer George and women Police officer Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat. They had been out only a short time when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning  I forgot to put on my panties!

It is so uncomfortable. We have to go back to the station to get them."

"We don't have to go back," George replied. "Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he'll go fetch them for you."

Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.

Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit - and the superintendent's balls in his mouth!

More Husband and Wife Fights !

A man was granted two wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever......
Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

 

There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest gets married and wonders what happened !

 

Wives are magicians.
They can change anything into an argument.

 

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife !"

 

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that," he said.
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married"
 

 

(For a Change) A COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE
Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children.
I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?

 

I WILL THINK ABOUT IT:
When a married man says, I'll think about it - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

 

TALKING IN SLEEP:
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"
The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake!

 

Earthly English and Importance of Spacing

A secretary got an expensive pen as a gift from her boss.

She sent him a 'Thank you note on email.'

Boss' wife read the mail and filed a divorce in court

The mails says: 'Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow, and firm strokes. Initially its tip was to be licked to bring to working order & it is equally good on both sides. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it. I've always desired for it and you fulfilled my wish. At last it is mine and mine for ever. Thanks a lot"

Moral : Space is an essential part in English. And so is personal spell-check for typing errors.

Lady from Thailand !

This was what happened to me when I went to Bangkok for vacation recently.


I went to Thailand for a few days last week.
I stayed in a really nice hotel over-looking Bangkok Chao Phraya River.


The people in Thailand are so friendly.
I got to talk to a really nice young lady in the bar.

She asked what the view was like from my bedroom window?


So I invited her to my room to see the view for herself.
 


That's when I started to get really, really worried!!

She walked to the window and OMG!!!

 

Magic Penis

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... The Magic Penis!'

The husband said, 'The what'?

The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle.
Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.'

The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer.You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'


The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my arse...!!!!!!!!!!'

The rest, as they say, is history...

Dying in Jerusalem

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
 
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." 
 
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. 

The  undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
 
 The man  replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.

 

End of the World a Joke?

OUT OF JOKES !!

NASA CONFIRMS DARKNESS CLICK HERE

For all you dopes who shout about the world ending and being negative, anticipating an end. What the fuck is wrong with you ???????? Move on with life you ass holes !! Why wait for an end? Is it religious ? If so. is everything explained in your view?

Those who try to be tigers now will end up pussies after 21st December?

Well, this Christmas, go on dope if already are not on !!

Tips on Pregnancy and hiding from Wife ..

First get to know how to hide from your wife, then we will move on to tips on reacting when you find out the wife is pregnant

Work definitions - Funny !

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!