When Pilots Go Nuts

Please do share with your friends - straight off an FB feed cause it's too funny not to share on a funny blog.

Husband and Wife Goes Jogging

Early morning husband wakes up and asks his wife: "Would you like to join me for jogging?"

Wife: "Ohh.....! So you mean to say I am fat?"

Hubby: "No. Jogging is good for health."

Wife: "Oh.. that means I am sick."

Hubby: "No No. If you don't want to get up, then it's OK."

Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"

Hubby: "NO. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean..."

Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you because I'm an illiterate, right?"

Hubby: "Now look I didn't say that."

Wife: "So am I lying? "

Hubby: "I beg you plz don't stretch it in the morning."

Wife: "Oh, now so I am a quarrelsome nag, am I?

HUBBY: "OK OK.. You go off to sleep. I am going jogging alone.. Happy Now??"

Wife: "You always go alone everywhere and enjoy yourself."

Hubby: "Plz Plz.. I am feeling giddy now.."

Wife: "See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself alone. You never think of my health."

Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong!!!

Mental Asylum

Rod and Kate were both patients in a mental hospital..

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Rod suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Kate promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kate's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Kate the news she said: 'Kate, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Rod hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Kate replied (you'll love this) .
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'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry'

Head Nurse still recovering!!!
😂😂😂

The Arab, Cab Driver and Camel

A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London. She curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the radio because her religious doctrine forbade her listening to music.

The Cab driver politely asked why.

His passenger replied that in the time of the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially Western music, which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for his passenger to disembark.

The Arab Muslim was surprised and asked him: "What are you doing???"

The Cab driver answered:

"In the time of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud speakers in mosques that woke up newly born, the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE' everywhere.

So shut up, get Out and wait for a camel.

The Woodcutter and his Axe. A Modern Story

If you are female & reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it - most important share it with your friends... 

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared & asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water & he needed it to make a living.

The Lord went down into the water & reappeared with a Golden Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: "No."

The Lord again went down & came up with a Silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: "No."

The Lord went down again & came up with an Iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: "Yes." 

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty & gave him all 3 Axes to keep, & the woodcutter went home happy. 

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, & his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared & asked him: "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water & came up with Deepika Padukone.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'NO' to  Deepika padukone , you would have come up with KATRINA. Then if I said 'NO' to her, you would have come up with MY WIFE. Had I then said 'YES,' you would have given me all 3.
 Lord, I'm a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so THAT'S why I said YES to Deepika."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good & honorable reason & for the benefit of others. 

Italian Mafia and Godfather !

                                               
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the
first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he
would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing
$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what
you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed
at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

Husband, Wife, Jesus and Mary !

Wife: "What are your plans for Easter?"

Husband: "Same as Jesus.."

Wife: "What do you mean ??"

Husband: "I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!"

Wife: "That's AWESOME. if you do that, I'll do like Mary."

Husband: "What do u mean ?"

Wife: "I will show up pregnant, yet untouched by my husband."

Woman on Fire - Hot !

You wont believe what i witnessed a few hours back.....

I was at the petrol station and I see 2 cops looking at this woman who was smoking whilst putting petrol in her car (derrr) ... wth! !!

Then i hear somebody screaming, I look & that woman's arm was on freaking fire..... She was waving her arm around and freaking out yelling ! 

Next thing I see the cops had her on the ground & were putting the fire out with an extinguisher.

Then they started to put hand cuffs on her & were about to put her in the police car.

I was like WTF..., and of course me being a nosy bugger, I went up to the cops and asked what they were arresting her for.....

because obviously her arm being on fire wasn't enough....the cop looked at me all cocky and said ..

'waving a firearm' .... gotcha.... hahahahahaha.

Father, Mother and Son Affair

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love& want to date this awesome girl!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".
Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you
must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother
crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your
Father."!!!

Son Fainted...!!!