The tigers Wedding

A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding. Every animal stood
 at a distance and wished the tiger.

A cat came and climbed to the stage and danced, then extended his hand to wish the tiger.
The tiger roared in rage and said "how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is maintaining its distance and yet you climbed the stage."

The cat replied and after listening to what the cat said, the tiger fainted. What do you think the cat said to the tiger?
Any guess?

a

The cat said, "I was also a tiger before I got married".

My Darling Wife

A bus full of housewives  going on a picnic, fell into a river, all died .
Each husband cried for a week.
one husband continued for more than two weeks !!!
When asked that did he miss his wife so much ?
he replied miserably : No
My wife missed the bus !!!

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In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting !
He told the men to stand in two queues...
Those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!

Only 1 man stood in the second Queue...

God said "So you control ur wife?"

Man: "R u CRAZY ???
My wife told me to stand here"...

***********

A Junior in office dialed his boss's extension by mistake & said: "Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 min"
Boss Shouted: Do u know whom u r talking 2? 
Jr : No!
Boss: I'm the BOSS 
Jr (in same tone): do u know whom u r talking to?
Boss: No!
Jr : THANK GOD (& disconnected) 

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KEEP LAUGHING AND SHARE THIS POST AMONG YOUR FRIENDS !!

A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.
At the funeral house, the African woman kept sobbing and saying: "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"
A family member pulled her aside and asked: "What did you know?" 

She replied: "That, Chinese products don't last long!!"

Why I stopped drinking Whiskey

Whiskey contains female hormones!

Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Montreal University scientists revealed this.

Men should take a concerned look at their Whiskey consumption.

The theory is that Whiskey contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough Whiskey men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 cups of Whiskey each within a one (1) hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally,
and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

Long Lasting Erection

I went to a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman I spoke to said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.

She asked if she could help me.

I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it."

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:

    * 1/3rd ownership in the store
    * a company car
    * A furnished house
    * a king size bed and
    * £7500/- a month in living expenses."

Coincidence it is ...

Man In Bar Orders Tiger Beer.

Lady Next To Him - What a coincidence, I am having Tiger Beer too. 🍺

Man - I'm celebrating.

Lady - Me too.

Man - What a coincidence ! Why are you celebrating ?

Lady - My husband & I have tried 4 years for a baby. Today I'm pregnant!

Man - What a coincidence! I am a farmer. For 4 years my hens couldn't lay any eggs. Today all are laying eggs!

Lady - Wow! How did that happen?

Man - I used a different cock 🐓

Lady smiled and said

WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!

Geographically Punnier

Timmy : I'm Hungary.
Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge?
Timmy : Okay, I'm Russian to the kitchen. 
Mum : Hmm ... maybe you'll find some Turkey. 
Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yucks! 
Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.
Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile.
Mum : Denmark your name on the can. 
Timmy : Kenya do it for me? 
Mum : Okay, I'm Ghana do it. 
Timmy : Thanks, I'm so tired - Iran for an hour today.
Mum : It Tokyo long enough. 
Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes!

African at a Restaurant

An American man walked into a restaurant in London...

As soon as he entered, he noticed an African man sitting in the corner...


So he walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted,

"Waiter! I am buying food for everyone in this restaurant, except that black African guy over there!"

So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food to everyone in the
restaurant, except the African...


However, instead of becoming upset, the African simply looked up at the American and shouted, "Thank you!"

That infuriated the man !!

So once again, the American took out his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!" 

So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the African.

When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the African simply smiled at the American man and shouted, "Thank you!"

That made the American man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said to the waiter, "What is wrong with that African man? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except him, but instead of becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is he
mad???"

The waiter smiled at the American and said, "No, he is not mad. He is the owner of this restaurant...

Cheating wife

Some days ago, I came to know a  girl on the Internet. Beautiful...

After some chat, I felt that we had connected at a deeper level.

Yesterday, she asked me to visit her house and said, "My husband is on a business trip, and I'm alone at home."

I was very cautious and asked, "Will your husband suddenly come back?

She said, "No, but just in case he does, you just say that you are from UrbanClap and that your company sent you to clean the house. And then, clean the glass or something. 

Anyway, Christmas is around the corner.
My husband won't suspect a thing."

Fast forward, I was at her house. And what a big coincidence - Not even minutes in the house, her husband came back! 

I had to be quiet and pretend to do the cleaning, wiping windows, cleaning the kitchen and the floor. And also tidy the bedrooms and wash the bathrooms. All the while, her husband and she was next to me giving all kinds of ridiculous instructions.

When I had finished and was about to leave, her husband asked, 'How much?"

Even before I could utter a word, she said, "I have already paid the company." 

On the way home, I kept thinking about the whole saga. 
The more I thought about it, 
the more I felt DAMN cheated ....

Cleaners are hard to find, beware of the new scam...........

Naughty Norbert

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Little Norbert was kicked out of Maths class by his teacher. Apparently, "mouthwash" wasn't the right answer for the question "what comes after 69?"

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In a job interview with an international NGO fighting for equal rights . Norbert was asked how he views Lesbian relationships ? He was kicked out. Apparently *"In Full HD"*wasn't the right answer 

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Teacher:- Complete the sentence. "If my cup is only half full.. Little Norbert :- "Maybe you need a smaller Bra !! Teacher:- GET OUT!!! 

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During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, "Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys? Little Norbert raised his hand and replied, "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down." The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?" Little Norbert countered by saying, "That's because girls get boobs, and they are heavier than the guys' balls." 
Seems logical to me also. I don't know why he was thrown out the class again ........ !!  

Poor Norbert!