Bill Gates resign as Microsoft CEO

Bill Gates has resigned as the 'Chairman of Microsoft' after receiving a letter from kuppuswamy. He was bright enough to handover the operations to an Indian, Satya Nadella 

It reads:

Saar,

I have some questions for you.... Please yanswer them:

Nambar wan) The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?

Nambar too) There is yeh 'Start' button... but no 'Stop' button... where it is?

Nambar tree) I have already learned Microsoft Word, when are you " laanching" Microsoft Sentence?

Nambar for) There is yeh Recycle bin... but...there is nobody coming to collect that bin. Why???

Your name is Bill... But in India they orr selling computers without Bill... Why???

Yand finally yeh personal question: 
Your surname is Gates... But you are selling Windows... Why saar why??

Tom's Scrotum

The story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story told by a loving wife....... Share with your friends and family to show gratitude to all those wonderful wives !

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise".

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." 

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the  children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain"

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom  is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

That's the Sternum for your Info.. :D :D :D 

Short Dirty Jokes !

Six Laughs to Share with your friends !!


Number 1: 

A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning. ****
💉

Number 2: 

A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, "so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum." ****
👙

Number 3:  

A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said "sir. you are my witness you know I never wear panties!"
****
🔩

Number 4: 

Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. "What are you doing?" Asks the son. 

Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." 

Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is consuming too  much petrol, cause Uncle Pedro, just filled her tank yesterday evening!" Mother fainted!!!!
****
💵🍺

Number 5: 

A man went to the pub with his wife. 
When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, "You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay. ****
🍼🎱

Number 6: 

An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your Honour see this, can he rape with this tiny tot?

"The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!" ****
📭

Now that you've smiled, don't be stingy with the smiles, share them With 6 friends for 6 Laugh

What Sperms are made Of !!

MBBS Professor:
The Sperm is made up of Fructose , the same material Sugar is made of.

A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?" 

Suddenly silence in hall.


Girl:Oops. 😳😮😮😮


Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:

My dear, 
Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your Throat

😂😂
Killer .........!

Prevent heart attacks in Women !!

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up ?”

God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color

Finally she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she asked,

“You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn’t you save me from the truck?”

(You’ll love this)



.
.
God replied:

“I couldn’t recognize you!”
😝😝😝😝😝

The Nun and the Gynecologist

A nun went to a Gynecologist.

Doctor: “What is the problem?”

Nun: “Something, is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina.”

Doctor checked and said: “Those aren’t postage stamps dear. They’re stickers pasted on the bananas imported from Costa Rica...”.

Marriage and Marijuana

In Canada, the government, in its eternal wisdom, recently passed two laws.

They are:

1. Legalized gay marriage

2. Legalized marijuana

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana at the same time now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.” Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

GHOST SEX...

A professor at the University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

 To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

 About 90 students raise their hands.

 Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

 About 40 students raise their hands.

 That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

 About 15 students raise their hand.

 Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

 Three students raise their hands.

 That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

 Way in the back, a young Arab student raises his hand.

 The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Arab student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

 When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, dear, tell us what it's like to have sex with a
 ghost?'

The student replied, "Wallah Habibi, from back there I thought you said "Goats."😜😜

Wife - Do not check your Innocent Husband's Phone

The wife checked  her husband's phone and found these names:

- The tender one 

- The amazing one 

- The Lady of my dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.

Then she called the second number on which his sister replied.

When she dialed the third  number her own phone rang !!!!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted  her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months salary to  make up for her sin.

Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelry and gave him the money

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved  as......

"Abu Khalid the electrician”*

Lady Pilots Gone Wrong !!

Enjoy and Share with your Friends !!

If girls were pilots 😂
Girl.. "Hello control tower, this is flight ✈ 365.. We have a problem." 😲
Control tower.. "What is the problem?" 😵
Girl.. "Nothing.".😕
Control tower.. " Please tell us the problem! "
Girl.. "Naah leave it."😕
Control tower.. " Tell us please! "
Girl... "Nothing, i'm fine.. You cannot understand."😕😏
Control tower.. "For God's sake pilot please tell us the problem!" 😵

Girl.. "Just leave me alone." 😢
Control tower.. "Ohh you maniac mad girl, there are 200 passengers aboard in plane." ✈ 😡😡
Girl.. Yeahh, nobody cares for me 😢 You also only care for those 200 passengers.. I don't wanna talk to you.. Nooo 😏😂

The Democracy We Practice !

One day The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. 

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting. 

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm." 

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." 

So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that... it will rain." 

So the king hired the donkey. 

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government. The practice is unbroken to this date.😜

Aussie and Maori

Share with your friends too !!

An Aussie and a Maori walk in to a bakery.

The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, "Pretty slick aye bro ?, the owner didn't even see me".

Unimpressed, the Maori replies, "Typical dishonest Aussie... Bro ! I'm Gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result"...

The Maori calls out to the owner of the shop and says.. "Bro ! I want to show you a magic trick" 

Intrigues the owner obliges. 

The Maori asked him for a pastry and he eats it. He asks for another and he eats that too. Then he asks for another and eats that too....

By now the owner says, "C'mon mate, there is the magic trick?"

The Maori replies "Now check his pockets" pointing to the Aussie !!!!