Lady Pilots Gone Wrong !!

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If girls were pilots 😂
Girl.. "Hello control tower, this is flight ✈ 365.. We have a problem." 😲
Control tower.. "What is the problem?" 😵
Girl.. "Nothing.".😕
Control tower.. " Please tell us the problem! "
Girl.. "Naah leave it."😕
Control tower.. " Tell us please! "
Girl... "Nothing, i'm fine.. You cannot understand."😕😏
Control tower.. "For God's sake pilot please tell us the problem!" 😵

Girl.. "Just leave me alone." 😢
Control tower.. "Ohh you maniac mad girl, there are 200 passengers aboard in plane." ✈ 😡😡
Girl.. Yeahh, nobody cares for me 😢 You also only care for those 200 passengers.. I don't wanna talk to you.. Nooo 😏😂

The Democracy We Practice !

One day The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. 

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting. 

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm." 

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." 

So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that... it will rain." 

So the king hired the donkey. 

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government. The practice is unbroken to this date.😜

Aussie and Maori

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An Aussie and a Maori walk in to a bakery.

The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, "Pretty slick aye bro ?, the owner didn't even see me".

Unimpressed, the Maori replies, "Typical dishonest Aussie... Bro ! I'm Gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result"...

The Maori calls out to the owner of the shop and says.. "Bro ! I want to show you a magic trick" 

Intrigues the owner obliges. 

The Maori asked him for a pastry and he eats it. He asks for another and he eats that too. Then he asks for another and eats that too....

By now the owner says, "C'mon mate, there is the magic trick?"

The Maori replies "Now check his pockets" pointing to the Aussie !!!!

Which Bra is You ?

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An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife. While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.

The smart Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra?"

Of course, our Economist was intrigued and he asked, "What are they?"

Salesgirl : "Sir, capitalistic suppresses the masses, socialistic uplifts the downtrodden and democratic makes mountains out of molehills."

Husband and Wife Loyalty Tests

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Test 1:

Wife buys 12 under wears of same colour for hubby..🔻

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people❓😡😡😡

Total silence...😳😁😖😷

Test 2:

A couple sees a hot girl.. 😍💃💃
Wife: So big, aren't they? 😳😳
Husband: Yes 👀
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural. 😎😎
Wife: Ear-rings & Natural?? 

Total Silence 😐😐😐

Test 3:
Men will always be Men Even if they are Indian...

Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra - a ritual practiced in India. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. 

When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. 

Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" ...

The rest of them said- "WHERE WHERE!" 😆😆😆... 😅

Why Condoms are packed in 3's, 6's and 12's

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A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy Asks, “What are these, Dad?” To which, the man Matter-of-fact replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “I’ve heard of That in health class at school.”


He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, Why are there 3 in this package?” The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday..”
“Cool” says the boy… He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then, who are these for?"
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.” “WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “Then, who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March….up to December”
The boy replied; “I am not getting married!!!!” lol......

Use the 4 letter word Carefully !!

Wife has broken her leg and her Hubby comes after work.

Hubby How r u doing??

Wife: Fine.

Hey, do me a favour.. Go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are freezing!

Hubby goes upstairs and sees Wife's hot two sisters lying on the bed.

Hubby: Ur sister sent me up to have sex with you girls..

Sisters: Prove it!

Hubby (Shouting): Hey Honey.., both of them ??

Wife:  (Shouting back): Of course! What's d point of fucking one???...

Absolute Classic!!!😂😂😜

Smart Boss or Dumb Secretary ?

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A boss said to his secretary "I want to have SEX with U. I will make it very FAST. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be DONE."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. 

Her boyfriend then said 2 her, do it but "Ask him for $2,000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." 

So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call his girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" 

She responds,"The Bastard used COINS, I'm still PICKING and he is still fucking!!!

Boyfriend fainted..

When Pilots Go Nuts

Please do share with your friends - straight off an FB feed cause it's too funny not to share on a funny blog.

Husband and Wife Goes Jogging

Early morning husband wakes up and asks his wife: "Would you like to join me for jogging?"

Wife: "Ohh.....! So you mean to say I am fat?"

Hubby: "No. Jogging is good for health."

Wife: "Oh.. that means I am sick."

Hubby: "No No. If you don't want to get up, then it's OK."

Wife: "So now you think I am lazy, ha?"

Hubby: "NO. You are misunderstanding me. I didn't mean..."

Wife: "Aha! So I don't understand you because I'm an illiterate, right?"

Hubby: "Now look I didn't say that."

Wife: "So am I lying? "

Hubby: "I beg you plz don't stretch it in the morning."

Wife: "Oh, now so I am a quarrelsome nag, am I?

HUBBY: "OK OK.. You go off to sleep. I am going jogging alone.. Happy Now??"

Wife: "You always go alone everywhere and enjoy yourself."

Hubby: "Plz Plz.. I am feeling giddy now.."

Wife: "See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself alone. You never think of my health."

Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong!!!

Mental Asylum

Rod and Kate were both patients in a mental hospital..

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Rod suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Kate promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kate's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Kate the news she said: 'Kate, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Rod hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Kate replied (you'll love this) .
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry'

Head Nurse still recovering!!!
😂😂😂

The Arab, Cab Driver and Camel

A devout Arab Muslim got into a cab in London. She curtly asked the 'cab driver' to turn off the radio because her religious doctrine forbade her listening to music.

The Cab driver politely asked why.

His passenger replied that in the time of the Holy Prophet there was no music, especially Western music, which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door for his passenger to disembark.

The Arab Muslim was surprised and asked him: "What are you doing???"

The Cab driver answered:

"In the time of the Holy Prophet, there were no taxis, no bombs, no plane hijacks, no west invented loud speakers in mosques that woke up newly born, the elderly and the sick at unearthly hours, no suicide attacks, no RDX, no AK 47; only 'PEACE' everywhere.

So shut up, get Out and wait for a camel.

The Woodcutter and his Axe. A Modern Story

If you are female & reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it - most important share it with your friends... 

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared & asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water & he needed it to make a living.

The Lord went down into the water & reappeared with a Golden Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: "No."

The Lord again went down & came up with a Silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: "No."

The Lord went down again & came up with an Iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied: "Yes." 

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty & gave him all 3 Axes to keep, & the woodcutter went home happy. 

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, & his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared & asked him: "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water & came up with Deepika Padukone.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'NO' to  Deepika padukone , you would have come up with KATRINA. Then if I said 'NO' to her, you would have come up with MY WIFE. Had I then said 'YES,' you would have given me all 3.
 Lord, I'm a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so THAT'S why I said YES to Deepika."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good & honorable reason & for the benefit of others. 

Italian Mafia and Godfather !

                                               
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the
first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he
would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing
$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what
you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed
at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

Husband, Wife, Jesus and Mary !

Wife: "What are your plans for Easter?"

Husband: "Same as Jesus.."

Wife: "What do you mean ??"

Husband: "I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!"

Wife: "That's AWESOME. if you do that, I'll do like Mary."

Husband: "What do u mean ?"

Wife: "I will show up pregnant, yet untouched by my husband."