Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting screwed!
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases
BUT in a condom blast, population increases.
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting screwed!
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases
BUT in a condom blast, population increases.
A blond walked into a store to buy curtains.
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.
The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."
The blond said, "Hellooo !!!!! I have windows!"
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.
The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."
The blond said, "Hellooo !!!!! I have windows!"
