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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Little Boy and Police

Police: Where do you live?

Small Boy: with my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Small Boy: With me.

Police: And where do you live all?

Small Boy: Together

Police: Where is Your Home?

Small Boy: Beside my neighbors' house.

Police: Where is your neighbors' house?

Small Boy: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

Police: Tell me?

Small Boy: Next to our house.

Police: :-[

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Male Cycle and Selecting a Wife

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. 

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Old Man from Florida

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. 

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’

‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’

See…….Not All Seniors Are Senile...

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Funny Wrestling !

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has.

Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished." The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged  forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. 
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried His face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in That hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last  ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."
The trainer exclaimed "That's what finished him off?"
"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts."

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Funny Weather Report Post !

Ever wonder why god does not allow much rain in the Middle East ??

Well, here is the reason - Proof that god keeps a track and knows when his creations are misused !!

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