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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Funny Drinking Stories !

CLICK for more funny drinking stuff 

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it 's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Funny Definition on Globalization !

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:


What is the truest definition of Globalization?


Princess Diana's death.


How come?

Answer :


English princess

with an

Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in

A French tunnel,

riding in a

German car

with a

Dutch engine,

driven by

A Belgian

who was

drunk on Scottish whisky,

followed closely by

Italian Paparazzi,


Japanese motorcycles,

treated by

An American doctor,


Brazilian medicines.

This post was originated Possibly by

A Jobless time wasting Indian,


American Bill Gates' technology,


you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses

Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,

assembled by

Bangladeshi workers

in a

Singapore plant,


by Pakistani truck drivers,


by Indonesians,

unloaded by

Sicilian longshoremen,


trucked to you by Mexican illegals......

That, my friend, is Globalization !

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Farmer and Pretty woman in Bar Joke !

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Apple iphone 4 S and typo T9 errors !

Well, how many times have you typed an SMS on your phone with the T9 on and it has given you words that made you roll over and laugh your A$$ off ?? Especiall yon new apple iphone.

Here are some typo errors that I got on mail which indeed will remind you of the mistakes you did and ensure that you have a good laugh. - Ok here we go - LONG funny Post
 Apple 4S T9 typo error Sandra Sexy Dad caught cheating
 epic typo error t9 on iphonenew apple i pod ipad iphone steve jobs free apple computers

get your new phone serviced and repaired by applelatest iphone designs nikia sony samsung galaxy tabs

 daughter caught cheating to dad and momfunny t9 typo errors mesage from father to daughter mother to father grandmother girlfreind boy freind family
 dad and mom about to fuck

MORE Errors Here !!!


Monday, October 10, 2011

To Marry or Not ?

An Absolutely brilliant calculation done by an Indian Mathematician !!!

It's true to all marriages around the world


Considering Average 30 yrs of Marriage = INR 20,000,000.00

Marriage expenses

INR 30,000 Monthly expenditure.

INR 3,000 Wife's monthly maintenance.


(In terms of SEX - afterall, we think it comes free all the time)

First 5 years Weekly 3 Times.

Next 5 years Weekly 1 Time.

Next 10 years Once in 15 days.

Next 10 years Once in a month.


1400 times sex in 30 years for an estimated expenditure of a whooping : INR 1,78,40,000.

+ (PLUS)

Opportunity cost on INR 20,00,000 spent on wedding at 7% for 40 years as per current Post-tax Fixed Deposit Interest rate  is INR 2,98,48,915.68

TOTAL COST = 4,77,88,915.68 INR

Kindly Note:

A Man spends INR 34,135 for each time he has Sex with his Wife....!!!

CONCLUSION : Outsourcing is cheaper.
A whore of your choice costs MUCH Less 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Funny Fill in the Blank Answer !

If a girl faints !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

University aspirants were asked to fill in the blanks: "If a girl faints, we must first feel her pu_s_".

Those who wrote 'Pulse' became doctors . . . .

Those who wrote 'Purse' became investment bankers, lawyers and professional thieves . . . .

The rest like you and me were considered normal, and good enough to go straight into adult life ...

Monday, October 3, 2011

Mary at Church - Church Joke

At the regular Sunday morning service, Rev Roberto announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.

Colin, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims, "If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Daniel, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If Rev Roberto will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education for his children!"

More sighs and loud applause....

Mary aged 68, stands and announces with a smile, "If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide sex!"

There is total silence....

Rev Roberto blushing and asks her: "Mary, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"

Mary's 70-year old husband Mike, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said: "Fuck him!''

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