Questions from a Tourist !

Something really funny that I got from a friend of mine. I was laughing my ass off while reading... Enjoy !!

 

The questions below about Sri Lanka (Island Nation in Indian Ocean - former British Colony), are from potential visitors. They were posted on a Sri Lankan Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. It's no longer available and I hope the guy who replied still has his job in tact. Very Funny for a tiny nation !

Q: Does it ever get windy in Sri Lanka? I have never seen it rain in Sri Lanka on TV, how do the plants grow? (Amy - UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see wild elephants on the streets? (Jenna - USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Colombo to Matara (Cities apart) - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Pits - Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only hundred miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around Wanni (Remote Location) in Sri Lanka? (Mia - Ireland)
A: So it's true what they say about the Irish.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Sri Lanka? Can you send me a list of them in Colombo, Galle, Kandy, Kurunegala, Matara and Anuradhapura? (Jeniffer - UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Sri Lanka? (Wendy - USA)

A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Sri-Lanka is that small island south of India in the Indian Ocean. Sure, the hippo racing is every Thursday near Diyawanna Oya (Lake). Come naked.

Q: Which direction is Jaffna (Northern State)? (Jacob - USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Sri Lanka? (Courtney - UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Heard Brian Adams and MLTR were in SL. Can you send me the entertainment schedule? (Fred - USA)

A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Thursday by the Diyawanna Oya straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Sri Lanka? (Gina - UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Colombo is milk available all year round?(Freund - Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Try Arrack instead.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Sri Lanka who can dispense Ratlesnake serum. (Clive - USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Sri Lankan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Sri Lanka, but I forget its name. It's a kind of huge animal that are dressed and taken in pageants. (Patricia - USA)

A: It's called an Elephant. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Sri Lanka? (Cleo - France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Sri Lanka? (Britney - USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in the Western Province where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Brut - Germany)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs in Negombo.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Sri Lanka? (Luca - Italy)

A: Only on Christmas.

Q: I was in Sri Lanka in 1999 on R+R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in an apartment at Liberty Plaza. Can you help? (Chan - USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Try the eighth floor at the same place. (A former famous Brothel)

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (Michelle - Germany)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first