Funny Nun and Car

A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency
was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas
to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
 
The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas
can he loaned had just been loaned out,
but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on her way to see a patient,
she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
 
After looking through her car for something to carry
to the station to fill with gas,
she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, she carried it to the station,
filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
 
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car,
two men watched her from across the street.

One of them turned to the other and said,
"I know that the Lord turned water into wine,
but if that car starts,
I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."

Nuns are up to No Good !

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' 

The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan.'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.'

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you".

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." 

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are! you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."