Public Embarrassment in a different form

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 Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
The last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget it.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The s silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed up to a couple of inches and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, as they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
And remember
We all say things we don't really mean,
So think before you speak!

Meeting someone for Christmas !

DA: Thank you for calling dental clinic how can I help you?
Man: Hi, I need to see someone between now and Christmas
DA: sure, what day would you like to come in?
Man: yeah, but I need someone who is busty
DA: sorry...what??
Man: busty...you know...big boobs.
DA (really offended): sorry but that is NOT the right way to say things!!! What's your name??
Man: err...err sorry where is this?
DA: this is a dental clinic
Man: OMG how embarrassing, sorry wrong number.

Embarrassing Medical Appointments

1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . .

'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began

to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs .

. and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,

San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the

patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,

Seattle, WASHINGTON

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her

husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the

family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long

have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . ' Why, not for about

twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-

Corvallis, OREGON

5. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple

hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and

wearing strange clothing, entered..... It was quickly determined that the

patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate

surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the

staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was

a tattoo that read . .. .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the

patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY . . . . THE FUNNIEST

Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.

I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the

doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and

examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked

if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied...

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched

her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very

professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is

under- weight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'