An elderly couple are attending church services. About halfway through, She writes a note and hands it to her husband. It says, " I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor ran Some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top Condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection With God?"
The man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the
Bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he
Turns it back off."
The Doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd
Like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He
Claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns On the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is This true?"
She said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator! "
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In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It’s red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss. Another glass.
"It’s Red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who the father is!"
