Kid in the Barbers shop !

A young boy enters a barber shop...

and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

Bob - not the builder !

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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. 

At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” 

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”

The Best or the Worst Surgeon

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Three Toronto Surgeons were playing Golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my Favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them. Eight months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England"

The Second surgeon got upset after hearing what the first guy had to say. He obviously wanted to outshine the first. The Second surgeon quickly responds, "That's nothing...... Few years back, a young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident.I reattached them and two years later, he won a gold medal in a track and field event in the Olympics"

The third was quietly listening to the two guys converse.The other two looked at him and goes "Hey mate, Do you have any interesting surgeries you have performed?"

He goes "Yes, and comparatively, You guys are amateurs"

The other two look at him amazed, impatiently awaiting the story.. 

The Third Surgeon goes on "Guys, several years ago, there was a man who was so high on Cocaine and Marijuana, he rode a horse head-on in to a train travelling at 80 miles an hour. 

The two surgeons look amazed as the third continues, "All I was left to work with was the man's blond hair and the Horse's Ass" 

The two surgeons were yet amazed..... The Third concludes "I was able to put the parts together and regretfully, now he runs for president of the U.S.A" .....