Jokes, Cartoons and Funny Stories. The Funniest stories to Laugh on and pass on... (Warning - may contain adult content)
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Showing posts with label bar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bar. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Coincidence it is ...
Man In Bar Orders Tiger Beer.
Lady Next To Him - What a coincidence, I am having Tiger Beer too. 🍺
Man - I'm celebrating.
Lady - Me too.
Man - What a coincidence ! Why are you celebrating ?
Lady - My husband & I have tried 4 years for a baby. Today I'm pregnant!
Man - What a coincidence! I am a farmer. For 4 years my hens couldn't lay any eggs. Today all are laying eggs!
Lady - Wow! How did that happen?
Man - I used a different cock 🐓
Lady smiled and said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!
Monday, January 21, 2019
The golden bar where Booze is .......
Share your Joy with your friends !!
Pedro came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.
"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of GOLD!" Said Pedru.
She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar.
"Hello," she said,
"I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?"
To which she heard the bartender say,
"Hey, Martin, - I think we found the guy who pissed in your Saxophone!
Well, there are Saxophone urinals in some toilets - the Man could be right !!
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Bob - not the builder !
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!”
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
Friday, May 10, 2013
Jockey Tips the Winner Horse !
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch. He backed nothing.
After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?’ she asked. 'It paid a fortune?'
'Shit', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the favourite was "scratched"....
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