Side effects of eating Chicken

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends..Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?'

She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it.'

'Why?' he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'

'Let me see' he said. 'Okay' and she showed him.. He looked and said, 'That's right.You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!' She asked if she could look, so he showed her!

She said, 'Oh, my God, it's too late for you!

You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what ! !

What to tell and What not to tell at Job Interviews !

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A boss interviewed 4 girls for a secretarial position .....
He asked the same question to each one of them.

Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two?

First Girl: "One is hairy, the other isn't " .....Boss: "OK.. good!"

Second Girl: One can talk but the other can't ".... Boss: "that's better!"

Third Girl: "One is vertical & the other is horizontal "..... Boss: "Hmm.. clever!"

Last Girl: "One is for me & the other is for my Boss ".

Boss: "You are hired !🤪

Which Bra is You ?

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An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife. While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.

The smart Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra?"

Of course, our Economist was intrigued and he asked, "What are they?"

Salesgirl : "Sir, capitalistic suppresses the masses, socialistic uplifts the downtrodden and democratic makes mountains out of molehills."

Smart Boss or Dumb Secretary ?

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A boss said to his secretary "I want to have SEX with U. I will make it very FAST. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be DONE."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. 

Her boyfriend then said 2 her, do it but "Ask him for $2,000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." 

So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call his girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" 

She responds,"The Bastard used COINS, I'm still PICKING and he is still fucking!!!

Boyfriend fainted..

Father, Mother and Son Affair

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love& want to date this awesome girl!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".
Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you
must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother
crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your
Father."!!!

Son Fainted...!!!

Bob - not the builder !

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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. 

At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” 

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”

Suicide Girls and Bikers !

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on Interstate 74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide...!!"

While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either, so he asked...

"Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why in the world are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether (she/he? )jumped or was pushed

Total Family Crisis

I was dreaming of fishing by the lake and then this happened !!

Actually, it is this picture that pissed her off even more !

 On another note...

Special Guitar For Ladies !

Be it Rock, Pop, Rap or any other Genre of Music, in the forefront is the Guitar as one of the most valuable instruments.... But, then again, Why that shape and how would the ones from the fairer sex play it?? Most importantly for those who wish to be in rock bands and show off their curves !!!

Oklahoma !

How do you pronounce Oklahoma?
Do you think it's correct?

There is a right way and a wrong way
to pronounce Oklahoma.

If you say OK...LAHOMA
You're WRONG.

The proper way is:
OKLA...HOMA.  
There's a gap between
the 'a' and the 'h'.

I can prove it!   




 Scroll Down !

What did Santa get you for Christmas !

A policeman on his horse tells to a young girl on her bike "Did Santa Give you that?"

"Yes" Says the Young Girl

"Well, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year" and fines her $5..

The girl looks up at the policeman and says "Nice Horse you've got there...Did Santa give it to you last Christmas too?"

The Policeman chuckles and replies "Sure thing, he did give me the Horse"

"Well" says the little girl... "Next year, tell Santa that the Fucking dick goes under the horse and not on top of it" 

Diamond Bracelet at Harrods !

A woman walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Good looking as well as cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. 

He politely greets lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Blushing and uncomfortable, but, still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', She asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

Smokers Fun !

Girl : U Smoke ?????

Man : Yeah 

Girl : How much do you smoke a day ?

Man : Around 3 Packs a day !

Girl : How much does each pack cost ?

Man : Say $ 10.00 each !

Girl : You know thats $ 900 a month and Gosh a $10,950 a year ?

Man : Yeah !

Girl : For how long have you been smoking ?

Man : Like 15 years !

Girl : So you know that's $164,250 in all. You could have got a bloody Ferrari..

Man : Hmmm.... Interesting... Do you Smoke?

Girl : NOOOOO !!

Man : So where is your Fukin' Ferrari Bitch ???

Young Girl in Hotel

Once an attractive young lady decides to celebrate her birthday by staying at a Luxury hotel.

The next day when the lady is checking out of the hotel, they give her a bill for $250/-. She is taken aback looking at the bill and starts fighting at the desk on such a big bill. The Manager comes in to end the ruckus with a customer.

He says ''Mam, we have so many facilities for our customer to use Free of cost such as Spa, Swimming pool, Gym etc., so that's why all the charges are included in it.''

The lady replies, but I have not used it, so why should i pay.

Manager says - That's your fault, but you have to pay.

The lady finally hands him over a cheque for $50.

The manager says this is only $50 what about the balance $200.

The lady replies, $200 for you sleeping and using me in the night.

Manager - But i haven't slept with you.

Lady - That's your fault, I was here full night and you could have used me, if you didn't, that's your fault.

 

Funny Australian Help Line !

"G'day mate, Fosters Helpline..
What's the problem mate?"

"Hi Guys, I'm in Australia with the girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her fanny has completely closed up"

"Bummer Mate..."

"Thanks Guys, that's what I thought too.
Bye...

Jewish Girl Joke

A 25 year old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. 

Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house. 

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. 

I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. 

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account. However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?"

All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and told him, 'You'll fuck her again."

Funny Dating on Internet !

Girl: Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Ghana and he lives in UK.We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp,he proposed to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months of relationship through viber.I need ur blessings and good wishes daddy ..................

Dad said: Wow! Really!! then get married on twitter, have fun on tango. Buy your kids on e-bay, send them thru gmail. And if you are fed up with your husband.... sell him on amazon.......

Little Boy and Police

Police: Where do you live?

Small Boy: with my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Small Boy: With me.

Police: And where do you live all?

Small Boy: Together

Police: Where is Your Home?

Small Boy: Beside my neighbors' house.

Police: Where is your neighbors' house?

Small Boy: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

Police: Tell me?

Small Boy: Next to our house.

Police: :-[

Old Man from Florida

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. 

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
 

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.


The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’


On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’


‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’

See…….Not All Seniors Are Senile...

Jockey Tips the Winner Horse !

A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.

The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.

In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.

In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch. He backed nothing.

After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?’ she asked. 'It paid a fortune?'

'Shit', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the favourite was "scratched"....