The Chinese in USA

A Chinaman moves to USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home in a suburb.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the China-man leading a bull down the drive-way .....pause...... and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The American bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the China-man and says, 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you.'

The China man is very taken back and says, 'Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs, I doing, these American Customs.'

'What do you mean' says the neighbor, 'Those aren't American customs.'


'Yes they are. Man at travel agent tell me' replied the China-man.

'He say to become true American, I must learn to

..... chase chicks,

..... get piss drunk,

and ..... listen to bull-shit!'

President Clinton and Monika - the true story ..

Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice.The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a bit funny.

By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his bum, which made him feel even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.

He tried every door in the hallway and was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened.

As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

The President fell to the floor in pain and as he was just about to pass out, Monica bent over him to listen for a heartbeat and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice,
"Sack my cook."

And, that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

Michelle Obama for President in 2020

OK - This is not a joke guys....

If we really want a female president for the United States of America, here is your chance...

Let's start the campaign now...

Use hashtag  - #MichelleObama2020

The Best or the Worst Surgeon

(Enjoy and share among your friends)

Three Toronto Surgeons were playing Golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my Favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them. Eight months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England"

The Second surgeon got upset after hearing what the first guy had to say. He obviously wanted to outshine the first. The Second surgeon quickly responds, "That's nothing...... Few years back, a young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident.I reattached them and two years later, he won a gold medal in a track and field event in the Olympics"

The third was quietly listening to the two guys converse.The other two looked at him and goes "Hey mate, Do you have any interesting surgeries you have performed?"

He goes "Yes, and comparatively, You guys are amateurs"

The other two look at him amazed, impatiently awaiting the story.. 

The Third Surgeon goes on "Guys, several years ago, there was a man who was so high on Cocaine and Marijuana, he rode a horse head-on in to a train travelling at 80 miles an hour. 

The two surgeons look amazed as the third continues, "All I was left to work with was the man's blond hair and the Horse's Ass" 

The two surgeons were yet amazed..... The Third concludes "I was able to put the parts together and regretfully, now he runs for president of the U.S.A" ..... 

Cricket Joke for Cricketing Nations !

Thanks to my Indian Buddies for the joke !!

I was watching IPL match with my wife on the TV together. After five minutes:

Wife: Is that Bret Lee

Me : No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.

Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies like his brother.

Me: He does not have an actor brother

Wife: What about Bruce Lee

Me: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian

Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.

Me: No. It is called action replay.

Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.

Me: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkatta

Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter.

Me: He is not calling for a helicopter. It’s a free hit.

Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a ‘ free’ hit?

Wife: Now whom is he saying ‘HI’ to?

Me : He is signalling a ‘Bye’.

Wife: Why is he saying ‘Bye’. Is the game over?

Wife: How many runs to win?

Me : 72 in 36 balls

Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball

I Just turned off the TV .

Wife turns it on and watches ‘Balika Badhu’

Me: Who is this Anandi?

Wife: Tumhari Maa. Don’t you dare disturb me!!

Oklahoma !

How do you pronounce Oklahoma?
Do you think it's correct?

There is a right way and a wrong way
to pronounce Oklahoma.

If you say OK...LAHOMA
You're WRONG.

The proper way is:
OKLA...HOMA.  
There's a gap between
the 'a' and the 'h'.

I can prove it!   




 Scroll Down !

Who's Killing Who?

NOT FUNNY !!

My One off "Not funny Post" on All the funny ones - rare instances, but, thought of seriousness!

The 1st image referenced in the Vatican pedophilia.

The 2nd image the child sexual abuse in tourism in Thailand.

The 3rd refers to the war in Syria.

The 4th image refers to trafficking in organs on the black market, where most of the victims are children of poor countries.

The 5th refers to free U.S. weapons.

The 6th image refers to obesity, blaming the big fast food companies.ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL IMAGES

Coming to think of it, what's funny here is that, deep in our hearts,  we all know this is true, but, tend to ignore the fact ;) !