PROSTATE PROBLEMS!!!

NO WONDER SO MANY OLDER GUYS RECKON THEY HAVE
PROSTATE PROBLEMS!!!

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
 
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.

I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,  '99'.

The old guy obeys and says, "99".
 

The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".
 

Again, the old guy says, ''99'."

The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
 

I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis  to keep it out of the way. 

Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The old guy begins,
"One....
  two…
  three…"

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing!

How to Pick a Hooker !

Stacy is a lazy sexy blond who went to her friend Jones, a fellow blond and asked how she could make a easy living. Jones was a hooker who enjoyed her job and the money she gets.  So they decide that best job for Stacy was to become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Jones says, 'Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.'

She's out there five minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, 'How much?'

She says, 'A hundred dollars'.
He says, 'Shit. All I've got is thirty'.
She says, 'Hold on.'

She runs back to Jones and says, 'What can he get for thirty dollars?' Jones says, 'A hand job'.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand job.
He says, 'Okay'.

She gets in the car; he unzips his pants and out pops a simply HUGE male unit. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, 'I'll be right back.'

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, 'Jones, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?'

Diamond Bracelet at Harrods !

A woman walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Good looking as well as cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. 

He politely greets lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Blushing and uncomfortable, but, still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', She asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"