Swimming Tips for young Ladies

A young lady was swimming at a swimming pool and was having a great time burning calories and keeping fit.

To her horror, she found that her swimsuit had torn open at the bottom leaving her lady bits exposed.

Using her hands to cover up her modesty, she stealthily exited the pool by the side and grabbed a nearby sign to cover up.

This somehow got her more attention, and she looked down at the sign.

*"Depth 1.8metres"*

Slightly embarrassed, she got rid of that sign and quickly grabbed another.

More stares came her way...the sign read:

*"Men's entrance"*

She could feel her face getting redder by the moment, threw away the sign and grabbed the last one she could grab.

Practically everyone was looking at her now, if not for the spectacle she was causing, but also for what was now on that sign.

*"Repairs ongoing, please enter by the back”*😆😆😆😆

Marvelous Instrument designed to be used on a woman

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor ?

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I am afraid they will confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps ?

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

"With your  face, Father, no one will question you"

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked,
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous Instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused.."

Roaring with laughter, the official said,
"Go ahead, Father.
Next Pls..."

Lady Pilots Gone Wrong !!

Enjoy and Share with your Friends !!

If girls were pilots 😂
Girl.. "Hello control tower, this is flight ✈ 365.. We have a problem." 😲
Control tower.. "What is the problem?" 😵
Girl.. "Nothing.".😕
Control tower.. " Please tell us the problem! "
Girl.. "Naah leave it."😕
Control tower.. " Tell us please! "
Girl... "Nothing, i'm fine.. You cannot understand."😕😏
Control tower.. "For God's sake pilot please tell us the problem!" 😵

Girl.. "Just leave me alone." 😢
Control tower.. "Ohh you maniac mad girl, there are 200 passengers aboard in plane." ✈ 😡😡
Girl.. Yeahh, nobody cares for me 😢 You also only care for those 200 passengers.. I don't wanna talk to you.. Nooo 😏😂

Young Lady at Dentist !

ALICE WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR HER FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. SHE NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, SHE REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED GUY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN HER SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT SHE HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN, SHE WONDERED?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, SHE QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN HER CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED HER TEETH, SHE ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' ALICE ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' ALICE EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ALICE CLOSELY.

THEN THE UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT ARSED,
GREY HAIRED,
DECREPIT,
BASTARD ASKED..

'WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH?

PROSTATE PROBLEMS!!!

NO WONDER SO MANY OLDER GUYS RECKON THEY HAVE
PROSTATE PROBLEMS!!!

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
 
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.

I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,  '99'.

The old guy obeys and says, "99".
 

The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".
 

Again, the old guy says, ''99'."

The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
 

I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis  to keep it out of the way. 

Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The old guy begins,
"One....
  two…
  three…"

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing!

Speeding Ticket Joke !

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142.