Get cheap Glasgow Brothels with the prettiest ladies

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The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed,  good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.

 “No, I must see Valerie,” he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charges ￡5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still ￡5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, the man asked Valerie to sign a receipt that she had received ￡15000.

She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt.

Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Edinburgh.”

“Really”, she said. “I have family in Edinburgh .”

“I know.” the man said.

“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor.

I was instructed to deliver you ￡15,000 inheritance in person.”

Two things in life are certain:

 1. Death
 2. Being screwed by a lawyer ...

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Funny Answers in Court of Law

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS : Did you actually pass the law exam?
__________

ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS : He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_________

ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS : Are you serious.
__________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS : Yes.

ATTORNEY : How many were boys?

WITNESS : None.

ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________

ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS : By death.

ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS : Take a guess.
__________

ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS : Unless the Circus was in town,  I'm going with male.
__________

ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS : All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
__________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS : If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________

And the best for the last..

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
🤣🤣🤣

Italian Mafia and Godfather !

                                               
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the
first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he
would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing
$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what
you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed
at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

Lawyer Eats Grass?

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" 

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

 "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me !"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

 
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"