The Rich Friend

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.

MAID:      What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME:       Tea pls.
MAID:    Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?
ME:     Ceylon Tea pls.
MAID:      How do U want it, black or white?
ME:    White....
MAID:     Milk or fresh cream?
ME:     With milk.
MAID:   Goat milk or cow milk?
ME:     Cow’s milk.
MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
ME:    Uhm, lemme go with d freezeland cow.
MAID:     Would U like it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
ME:      Sugar.
MAID:     Bee sugar or cane sugar?
ME:     Cane sugar
MAID:    White, brown or yellow sugar?
ME:     Aiyo! forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water...
MAID:  Mineral, tap or distilled water?
ME:     Mineral water.
MAID:  Flavored or non flavored?
ME:     Infact, get me an empty glass!
MAID:     Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?
ME:   Free me, I will  swallow my spit..."

Cheating wife

Some days ago, I came to know a  girl on the Internet. Beautiful...

After some chat, I felt that we had connected at a deeper level.

Yesterday, she asked me to visit her house and said, "My husband is on a business trip, and I'm alone at home."

I was very cautious and asked, "Will your husband suddenly come back?

She said, "No, but just in case he does, you just say that you are from UrbanClap and that your company sent you to clean the house. And then, clean the glass or something. 

Anyway, Christmas is around the corner.
My husband won't suspect a thing."

Fast forward, I was at her house. And what a big coincidence - Not even minutes in the house, her husband came back! 

I had to be quiet and pretend to do the cleaning, wiping windows, cleaning the kitchen and the floor. And also tidy the bedrooms and wash the bathrooms. All the while, her husband and she was next to me giving all kinds of ridiculous instructions.

When I had finished and was about to leave, her husband asked, 'How much?"

Even before I could utter a word, she said, "I have already paid the company." 

On the way home, I kept thinking about the whole saga. 
The more I thought about it, 
the more I felt DAMN cheated ....

Cleaners are hard to find, beware of the new scam...........

Get cheap Glasgow Brothels with the prettiest ladies

Will you be sharing this good laugh with your friends ??

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed,  good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.

 “No, I must see Valerie,” he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charges ￡5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still ￡5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, the man asked Valerie to sign a receipt that she had received ￡15000.

She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt.

Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Edinburgh.”

“Really”, she said. “I have family in Edinburgh .”

“I know.” the man said.

“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor.

I was instructed to deliver you ￡15,000 inheritance in person.”

Two things in life are certain:

 1. Death
 2. Being screwed by a lawyer ...

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