The Rich Friend

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.

MAID:      What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME:       Tea pls.
MAID:    Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?
ME:     Ceylon Tea pls.
MAID:      How do U want it, black or white?
ME:    White....
MAID:     Milk or fresh cream?
ME:     With milk.
MAID:   Goat milk or cow milk?
ME:     Cow’s milk.
MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
ME:    Uhm, lemme go with d freezeland cow.
MAID:     Would U like it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
ME:      Sugar.
MAID:     Bee sugar or cane sugar?
ME:     Cane sugar
MAID:    White, brown or yellow sugar?
ME:     Aiyo! forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water...
MAID:  Mineral, tap or distilled water?
ME:     Mineral water.
MAID:  Flavored or non flavored?
ME:     Infact, get me an empty glass!
MAID:     Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug?
ME:   Free me, I will  swallow my spit..."

Which Bra is You ?

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An Economist went to a lingerie shop to buy a bra for his wife. While he proudly announced to the Salesgirl that he is an Economist, he also confessed that only thing he knows about bra is 'how to unhook', and he really needed some expert help in making the purchase.

The smart Salesgirl asked, "Sir, you want a capitalistic, socialistic or democratic bra?"

Of course, our Economist was intrigued and he asked, "What are they?"

Salesgirl : "Sir, capitalistic suppresses the masses, socialistic uplifts the downtrodden and democratic makes mountains out of molehills."

Smart Boss or Dumb Secretary ?

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A boss said to his secretary "I want to have SEX with U. I will make it very FAST. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be DONE."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. 

Her boyfriend then said 2 her, do it but "Ask him for $2,000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." 

So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call his girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" 

She responds,"The Bastard used COINS, I'm still PICKING and he is still fucking!!!

Boyfriend fainted..

Father, Mother and Son Affair

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love& want to date this awesome girl!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".
Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you
must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother
crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your
Father."!!!

Son Fainted...!!!

Funny Australian Help Line !

"G'day mate, Fosters Helpline..
What's the problem mate?"

"Hi Guys, I'm in Australia with the girlfriend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet, and now her fanny has completely closed up"

"Bummer Mate..."

"Thanks Guys, that's what I thought too.
Bye...

Funny Dating on Internet !

Girl: Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Ghana and he lives in UK.We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp,he proposed to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months of relationship through viber.I need ur blessings and good wishes daddy ..................

Dad said: Wow! Really!! then get married on twitter, have fun on tango. Buy your kids on e-bay, send them thru gmail. And if you are fed up with your husband.... sell him on amazon.......

Old Man from Florida

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. 

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
 

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.


The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’


On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’


‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’

See…….Not All Seniors Are Senile...