Punography !!

• I tried to catch some Fog. I mist :(
• When Chemists Die, They Barium !
• A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran !
• I know a guy who's addicted to break Fluid. He says he can stop anytime !
• How does Mosses make his Tea? Hebrews it !

  

 

• I stayed up all night to see where the Sun went. Then it dawned on me !
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. But, I never met herbivore !
• I am reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. 

  

 

• They told me I had type A blood. But is was a Type O.
• A dyslexic man walks in to a bra.
• PMS jokes aren't funny - Period !
• Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations !!
• Class trip to the Coca Cola factory: I hope there is no pop Quiz !
• Energizer Bunny got arrested - Charged with Battery !!
• I did not like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it !!
• What do you call a Dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary ? A Thesaurus !

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble !
• What does a clock do when it's Hungry? It goes back four seconds..
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger - Then it Hit me !
• Broken Pencils are Pointless !!!

Funny English language

The English Plural We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
 

Then one may be that, and there would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.We speak of a brother and also of brethren,But though we say mother, we never say methren.Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

 

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship... We have noses that run and feet that smell.We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language In which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out,And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing..........

If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.???