The golden bar where Booze is .......

Share your Joy with your friends !!

Pedro came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of GOLD!" Said Pedru.

She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar.

"Hello," she said,

"I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender say,

 "Hey, Martin, - I think we found the guy who pissed  in your Saxophone!

Well, there are Saxophone urinals in some toilets - the Man could be right !!

'I HATE MY JOB DAY'

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When you have an 'I HATE MY JOB DAY'

Try this out:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase 
a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is this statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF APAIN IN THE ARSE THAN YOURS!

if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...

Maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson - after all testing is carried out by some interesting people (as the one below)

Old Man from Florida

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. 

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
 

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something a little more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.


The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’


On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, ‘There’s no money in that account.’


‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!’

See…….Not All Seniors Are Senile...