Meeting someone for Christmas !

DA: Thank you for calling dental clinic how can I help you?
Man: Hi, I need to see someone between now and Christmas
DA: sure, what day would you like to come in?
Man: yeah, but I need someone who is busty
DA: sorry...what??
Man: busty...you know...big boobs.
DA (really offended): sorry but that is NOT the right way to say things!!! What's your name??
Man: err...err sorry where is this?
DA: this is a dental clinic
Man: OMG how embarrassing, sorry wrong number.

Around the world in 80 drinks !

When did you last get a chance to taste all alcoholic beverages the world has to offer? Here we go around the world in 80 drinks !

What did Santa get you for Christmas !

A policeman on his horse tells to a young girl on her bike "Did Santa Give you that?"

"Yes" Says the Young Girl

"Well, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year" and fines her $5..

The girl looks up at the policeman and says "Nice Horse you've got there...Did Santa give it to you last Christmas too?"

The Policeman chuckles and replies "Sure thing, he did give me the Horse"

"Well" says the little girl... "Next year, tell Santa that the Fucking dick goes under the horse and not on top of it" 

Crazy Vs. Stupid !

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to Mental Hospital.

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home.

He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
A patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.

The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem... no wonder youare destined to be a truck driver..."

"Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

The driver was very impressed and asked:"You're so smart but why are you  here in a  Mental Hospital?"

Patient replied:

"Hello, I am here because I'm CRAZY, not STUPID!"

Diamond Bracelet at Harrods !

A woman walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Good looking as well as cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. 

He politely greets lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Blushing and uncomfortable, but, still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', She asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

Smokers Fun !

Girl : U Smoke ?????

Man : Yeah 

Girl : How much do you smoke a day ?

Man : Around 3 Packs a day !

Girl : How much does each pack cost ?

Man : Say $ 10.00 each !

Girl : You know thats $ 900 a month and Gosh a $10,950 a year ?

Man : Yeah !

Girl : For how long have you been smoking ?

Man : Like 15 years !

Girl : So you know that's $164,250 in all. You could have got a bloody Ferrari..

Man : Hmmm.... Interesting... Do you Smoke?

Girl : NOOOOO !!

Man : So where is your Fukin' Ferrari Bitch ???